Random Thoughts...

A new beginning for the Palace. The wrestling stuff is history. I do enough of that with the column anyhow. By the way, a new "Tossing Salt" column - #146 - is up at the www.wrestle-zone.co.uk site. Go read it. I'll wait...

As for my current surreal life - what's a man to talk about? Pa is back! Pa, better known as Jonathan, is a guy I used to mess around with. I've known him since he was 16 - we talked shit until he turned 18.. and then he called my bluff. I don't bluff. And for the last 6 years - it's been an on-again/off again thing. But the bad thing is, he's not worth a damn. He's a theif, a drug-abuser, a liar, and a sorry little bastard. But he's also sexy as hell and I do, as much as I hate to admit it, care a helluva lot about the guy. This has really played well with my other relationships, as you may guess. But he's been gone for a couple of years - in prison (of course) and I thought I was over the little bastard for good. He got out two weeks ago - I saw him for the first time about a week ago... and every old feeling - every strong emotion - every bit of lust - just came right back... and with a vengeance. My relationship with Chris in finally kaput for good - long story there - so I'm lonely and looking for someone special. Pa isn't it. He's same as always - lying and whatever - back to his old habits. I'm resisting so far, but he can push my buttons better than anyone I've ever known.. and he knows it too. I love him, but I hate him. Where is the Goldschlagger when you need it? Damn, I don't drink anymore either. That sucks! I'll keep resisting. I've moved on to a higher level of loser than Pa - and I don't need to fall back into the same old B.S. as before. But it's not easy. Nothing in life, I guess - ever is.

I've got a new semi-sidekick too. Barris (BJ for short) is a tall & sexy Indian guy who comes to the store when I'm working. He's a bit off (crazy) and a bit on the nerve-wracking side (picture a younger, dark skinned Jay of the Jay & Silent Bob movies - only worse and in real life) and you have BJ. Another loser? Nah? He's got a big heart and he makes me laugh. He's had a rough life coming up and I'm finding myself wanting to look after him... that's not good! No kind of relationship yet -he knows I'm gay (I think) and there is lots of innuendo going back and forth, but I'm scared to take it any farther. I want to, but there are warning bells that keep going off - this one could end up hurting me - and he's got a ton of baggage too. Maybe one day, we'll take it past the talk and see what happens. Or maybe not? I don't know. Whatever happened to all the good "one night stands" out there. I guess I'm getting too old.

I guess this is the end of the 1rst post. It won't always be like this. Expect to hear about the family, my friends, and any kind of adventures I have. (A trip to Wal- Mart - what an adventure? Woo-hoo!) I also plan to eventually get political and insightful and funny and all that other stuff too. Maybe! Just bear with me folks.

Later gator......
-Me