You know, there can be too much sometimes of a good thing! For almost four years, I've been writing this column, writing recaps, writing fantasy wrestling, and just living the dream of a wrestling writer. I don't want to say "journalist" because journalists are unbiased and generally devoid of emotion or opinion. At least they're supposed to be Just the facts, ma'am! I can hardly claim to be unbiased about anything. I have my opinions and I don't mind expressing them. Whether anyone actually agrees, that's another story, but still...
A few months ago, at no one's urging, I decided to start recapping WWE Heat and WWE Velocity again. I've always enjoyed recapping shows, probably even more than writing the columns. I picked Heat and Velocity because they were the only shows I could work my crazy schedule around and also, it seemed that no one else wanted to give the WWE's "B-Shows" a little love. So I did and I think I did a pretty fair job of it! If you think I did a good job of it, give me a hell yeah! HELL YEAH!
My fantasy wrestling league also picked up and I've become quite the little storyteller, trying to string characters along in a logical, yet entertaining way as I help present an alternate version of what WCW might have become if it had stayed alive and flourished in 2000 rather than fading out and being bought up by the evil McMahon empire. For more details on the best damn fantasy WCW on the internet today, go check out www.myspace.com/fantasywcwwrestling.
But recapping two "B-shows" every week, writing a column every week (or at least every other week), running a fantasy league where readers vote to decide the winners and losers of matches and future storylines, and keeping things active at my Yahoo chat groups - that's a lot on one man's plate. That's not counting working the full time job, helping out a friend of mine to make some extra cash on the side, and attempting to have a social life as well. At times, I could manage things pretty easily. And at other times, it's just too damn much.
I've also noticed as time goes by, the more and more I get drawn into this world of wrestling, the less interest I have in other things, such as music, TV, politics, social issues, etc. For the longest time, all I do is eat, breathe, sleep and crap wrestling. I took a recent look at the majority of people I actually still hang out with in the real world. They're either involved in wrestling in some capacity, are family members, or are romantic interests. My life has become professional wrestling. Professional wrestling is me! Which is kind of cool in some ways, but in others, it's kind of scary and sad! I'm going to be forty years old in just a few days. And though I still look and act like I'm 25 (most of the time) reality is rearing it's head and opening my eyes. And I don't like what I see.
Where's the memories of going out with my friends? Where are the good times and nights at the club? Where's the Sunday afternoon cookouts and long fishing trips over the extended weekend? Some of those memories are there, but is it enough? I know I shouldn't, but I compare my life to others from my social circles - some guys are doing worse than me - they live for the beer in the afternoon and have nothing to their names. I'm luckier than that. I rarely drink anymore, never was a drug abuser, and have accomplished a little something over the years. But then I look at others - friends of mine with the good jobs, the families, the ones that seem to have everything. And I feel.. not jealous because I like to see people do well and have things and be happy...but I just wonder why I don't have the kids, the new car, the nice house, the kiler job.
I actually know the answers for most of those questions. It's all about effort and working hard. I've had chances for other jobs, but I'm comfortable in what I do and the money is OK - not great, but I pay my bills. No kids? The "gay thing" has a lot to do with that since having kids would require a woman and a committed relationship, and that's not me. But I have Tatz's and Tian's kids as my "nieces" and "nephews" so that's OK.
My problem is that I've always taken the easy road - prefering to have fun and take the shortcuts rather than struggle and sacrifice for success. I have a lot, but I could have more. The only person I can blame for what I do and don't have is myself. But all of this is getting off subject. Damn, I hate it when that happens.
The wrestling stuff - I love it and it's my life. I don't plan on giving it up anytime soon. But something is going to have to give. I think the column might be it. I like the recaps and I can opinionate quite well during my match recaps if need be. So I guess, effective immediately, the "Tossing Salt" column is on hiatus again. It's a small step, but a necessary one! The first step into getting my life in order and how I want it to be. Now if I can just find a good man and get the rest of my world straightened out, I might be OK.
Damn, this is a long and confusing blog - and not at all what I was planning on. *sighs* - I think I need to go take a walk. Later!
