Update Time..

I can't believe I haven't updated this since last Friday. Oh well - nothing too exciting has been going on anyhow. Did the family thing on Sunday which is always cool. Did recaps of Heat, Velocity and RAW for the Wrestling HQ and Wrestle-Zone.uk sites. Still haven't written any new columns though. I'm being a slack-ass on that.

Rick was over here yesterday for most of the day. We watched movies (Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Heart's Club Band, Hair) and baked cookies. Yeah - I had a macho injun thug-wannabe here in the kitchen baking peanut butter cookies.. Ha! He's not really a "kitchen" type of guy, but it was fun to do something together besides just BSing and what-nots. Boy, watching musicals and baking cookies... if only his friends could see him now! *laughs*

Went to Wal-Mart yesterday with Tatz for a while and went to visit Gert. Had the demon-spawn for part of the afternoon after school - and that was an adventure as always too.

I talked to Pa Monday night for a few minutes - he's doing better now. He's still not quite himself, but he's getting over Pearl's death a bit anyhow and slowly getting back to normal.

No word from D. all week. Not since Sunday anyhow. I know he had to work every night this week, so I expect that (and his girlfriend) is keeping him occupied. Still no word from Jesse either. No big loss there. That was just a thing that happened and the more I got to know him, the more I began to realize that he's trouble waiting to happen.

There's nothing really else to talk about. My life is too boring sometimes. Well, it's time for me to go to work. So I'm outta here. Maybe the next update will be more exciting. Who knows?
-Doug

A Night To Remember

Had a strange night at work last night. I kind of expected that I'd see Pa and I was right. He came in about 2:30 - walked to the store and he looked like shit! But we talked for a bit. I offered my condolances about Pearl and he started crying. I went ahead and locked up early (I lock up from 3am - 4am to clean and stock my coolers, etc) - and we went into the office to talk. I bought him a pack of cigs and asked him when he had last eaten. Thursday AM - so I bought him some chips and a burger and we just talked. No arguing for a change and no bullshit - just two people talking. I've known Jonathan (Pa) for over 10 years - since he was 14. We've been messing around off and on since he turned 18 - and I'd only seen him cry one other time besides last night. I asked him if he was still staying clean and he said he'd been drinking some, but that was it. If he gets in trouble again, he goes back to prison as a habitual offender and he's not taking any chances. He just wants to quit hurting. We talked for probably 45 minutes and he seemed to be feeling better when he left the store. We hugged and it was actually a good moment - which where me and Pa is concerned, are very few and far between. He promised to behave and took off. I had to rush around and do my cooler, but I managed to get everything filled up and opened back up only 5 minutes late. (Yeah - I'm good!) No customers were waiting so it's all good, right? I still had everything pretty much caught up and in good shape when the boss lady got in at 5:30.

Not much else going on. I talked to Rick earlier today for a few minutes and he stopped by for a few minutes. Just hanging out and what-not. D. came by a little while ago (on his way to work) and wants me to ride to Rockingham with him in tomorrow morning when I get off work. Sure - why not! Still no word from Jesse - oh well!

I guess that's all for today. I just wanted to relay the info about Pa. We spend so much time arguing and dealing with bullshit - it feels weird to see him just open up like he did last night. I remember now what I liked about him in the first place. We're still miles apart in our lives and I know that things will never be what I want with him - but still, I look at events like last night and just wonder, "What if...???".. Yeah - I'm a dreamer.

Oh yeah - got a phone call on the answering machine from my long-time ex, Chris. We haven't talked in a while, but I'd heard he was thinking about moving to Charlotte. Well, he did and says that he's doing well and is working at a Wal-Mart. He's doing good and just wanted to check in. That's cool. I thought I was going to end up married to this guy, but shit happened. His fault and mine too! No grudges here. I did enough of that after we broke up the last time. I'm just glad he's moving on and doing well. We managed to salvage a friendship out of the crap that was living together/ talking about marriage, etc... Good intentions, but the wrong time and person. It hurt pretty bad, but you gotta roll with the punches and move on. I think I have pretty well and I think he has too! Life isn't a fairy tale, but sometimes there is a happy ending anyhow!

Enough of all this. I have to be up in 3 hours for work - so I think that maybe I should go get a little sleep while I can. Until the next time!
-Doug

Pa & Pearl

I had some stuff in mind when I logged on to this blogsite. Guess what? I lost it just that fast. I got paid today - and now I'm broke. I have $$$ but it's all owed out to someone else.

I just found out a little while ago that Mae Pearl, Pa's grandma - passed away on Tuesday night. That's not a surprise, but I expect Pa is taking it hard. I wish I knew how to get up with him, but I don't. Not unless he comes into the store tonight. I've bee avoiding him and staying away, but I can't just ignore this. He was closer to his grandma than anyone - that's the lady who raised him while his Mom and sister were off smokin' rock and being whores. She had her problems and smoked the crack too towards the end - at least until a bad hit caused an anuerism (sp) in her head and put her in a home. Pearl is in a better place now - I know that. But Pa is going to be so fucked up in the head. He's done good in staying off the rock since this last time of getting out of prison, but I have a feeling that this might be the thing that sends him right back. I hope not.

I guess I'll go to bed and lay down for a bit. I have work (3rd shift) for the next 4 nights. That should be fun! (Yeah - sure!) Later!
-Doug

Wow! What a week!

I can't believe I haven't updates this thing since Saturday. What's up with that? My computer is acting weird. Uh-oh! Let me do the extreme-cliffnote version of the past five days and see if I can figure out what's wrong.

Sunday - did the family thing. Wrestled with Parker and got my ass whooped. Me & Tian had a discussion about if I'm really gay since I don't fit any of the stereotypes. Yeah - after all these years, I think I really am. Gosh! Parker told me I was still cool, even if I am a "fairy". That when the wrestling started. One day I'll learn my lesson - or maybe not. Hung out with D. for a while and talked to Rick on the the phone.

Monday - nothing much happened. Worked and did the RAW recap for the Wrestling HQ. I don't think Jenn has posted it yet!

Tuesday - had the day off. Still no word from Jesse so I guess he's still pissed at me. Got to watch Youngblood's match against Kurt Angle from SD. Kurt's "ladder match" - Mike really got his ass beat! Had Dalian over for a while which was OK - and talked to Tatz. We need to get lottery tickets - it's up to $350 million bucks now! I want that money.

Talk briefly to H. & G. - but that was just a quick hello. Hung out with D. again and went Wal-Marting with Rick. He's a cool dude -that's for sure.

Still no new "Six Minutes" up - I just can't stay focused enough to write a new column. Or a blog - for that matter. Almost time to go get payed for the week and gets some bills paid. I have Dalian again this afternoon and then it's back to work tonight.

Watched "Kung Fu Hustle" last night - and it sucked. Not even stupid funny! Whassup wit' dat? This computer is driving me nuts. Let me try and get it back to normal. I'm outta here. Until the next time - see ya!
-Doug

A Day In The Life

Woke up and feel like crap. I slept too long and didn't accomplish anything today. Blah! I just don't give a sh*t right now! Today was my high school reunion - the big 20th. I should be in a big ballroom right now hanging out with old friends and laughing about crap that none of us truly remember. I'm here instead at the house, getting ready for work. Two people fired in less than two weeks. So we're down to three fulltimers, a manager and a part-timer who works a full time job elsewhere. This is a 24 hour store. I don't mind working whenever they need me - but I put in for today off over three months ago. It really bites.

Doesn't matter though. I probably wouldn't have went to the reunion anyhow. I (surprisingly) want to see some of those people, but I don't have a license to drive and I can't see going to a semi-formal dinner and having my "mommy" drop me off and pick me up. Load up the dog! We're going out tonight! Nah! I just can't see it.

It's the same reason I don't date much or go out anywhere - I don't have a life except for the occasional little fling here and there. On Sunday, I go out with Tatz & the kids - but that's to do what they want and go where they want. I'm just along for the ride. Something like this - my HS reunion - where it's about me.... just doesn't factor in. Everywhere I go and anything I want to do for myself - just isn't important. Only if it's convenient for everyone else!

Shit on it! I don't even feel like writing tonight. I'm going to work.

-Doug

National Coming Out Day

I forgot about this on Tuesday, but it was National Coming Out Day then. October 11 - the day for all gays, lesbians and bisexuals to be honest with themselves and the people they love and quit living a lie - come out of that closet. It's not an easy thing to do for anyone - but speaking from personal experience, it was such a relief to quit pretending to be someone I'm not and putting on shows by dating women. I've known I was gay since I was 12 or 13. I didn't know what it was called, but I knew I liked boys more than girls. I finally admitted it to myself and started poking my head out of the closet when I was19 or 20 - even though I was dating a girl and engaged at the time. And finally, I decided to just say to hell with it and quit pretending at all. I don't flame and have very few of the "stereotypical" gay mannerisms - I'm just a rasslin' loving, beer drinking, redneck who just happens to prefer being with other men. No big deal! I don't make it one and if anyone has a problem, it's their problem and not mine. The funniest thing is - the people I thought would be the hardest to deal with turned out to be the best ones. I hang out with a rough crowd. Drinking, fighting, loud country music and all that. And what did this "macho redneck crowd" say. Nothing! Well, Carson told me not to be looking at his ass... and then he mooned me, but other than that - they just take it for what it is.... me being me. Not only that, but they kept trying to fix me up with guys..lol. Go figure. Things got a little strained when I was dating Chris - he's a bit (a whole helluva lot) of a flamer - and that rubbed a few people wrong. But my friendships stayed strong and still are. My Ma is not happy with it - she probably never will be - but she knows and, for the most part, just stays off the subject. I don't flaunt my friends and lifestyle in her face and she doesn't bring it up either. Kind of like the U.S. Army..... Don't ask and don't tell!

What was the whole point on this post? Oh yeah - I'm so damn glad I came out when I did. I'm not "happy" all the time, but so long as I'm upfront and honest with myself and others - it's far better than living a lie. Every day should be a "Coming Out" day for people who are living a lie. No one should ever have to go through that bullshit of pretending to be someone else - just because people don't approve. I don't need anyone's approval. Just take me for who I am - a hard working, somewhat funny albeit grouchy, rasslin' fan and wannabe writer who just happens to be gay. That lst part shouldn't even be a factor unless it's someone I'm sleeping with anyhow. It's just a thing - nothing more.

And I know that some people see me and think I'm a card-carrying freak just trying to recruit others to the gay cause. ATTN: There is no gay cause. Every person I've been with, straight or gay - made that choice and in 98% of the cases - made the first move. I don't force anyone to turn "gay" or "bi" - I just let them be and express what they want and what they feel. Anyone who thinks different is an idiot.

Aw hell! Who am I trying to fool? We're taking over world and recruiting new members to the gWo (Gay World Order) daily. Just a few more and I get a new toaster! Woo-hoo! I can't wait!

OK - long enough rant! Time to get cleaned up and go out and present a strong and positive image for gay men everywhere. I might even shave. Nah! Maybe not! I'm outta here!
-Doug

How Many Licks Does It Take??

Remember that old commercial about how many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll pop? The world may never know! Don't know why I just thought about that.

A very busy past couple of days. Worked Monday night - and it was not a good night at all. I had Jesse come by and he was especially worrisome that night. When I'm at work, I don't have time to socialize too much. Then he broke the cardinal rule with me - he asked to borrow money. I could tell he was wired on something anyhow, but that's his business. I don't do that sh*t and don't ask me to condone it or pay for it. I said no. He then asked me to "give" him a suitcase of beer! No one would know! Again - I said no! He got kind of huffy and walked out to the parking lot and I got back to work. He must have bummed some change off of someone because he came back in and bought a 40oz of Miller. Yuck! The nasty beer. He told me something about he'll see me Saturday and we can spend all day together. Nah! I don't think so. I just said, "we'll see!" and he left.

It wasn't five minutes later that I had a man come in and stick a couple of bottles of wine under his jacket... right in front of me. He ran out the door and I was up over the counter after him, but caught my knee on the door frame, so he got away and I got a banged up knee out of the deal. I hate people sometimes.

I don't smoke usually, but it was time to reach for a pack of cigs. Between Jesse and the thief, my nerves were shot and I was very pissed off. Did I mention that Ashley had worked 2nd shift and there was a ton of stock and groceries left to be put up? Well, she did and there was. So I had that to do as well, besides my usual stuff.

The night eventually got better and I chain-smoked 3/4 a pack of cigs (Marlboro Light Menthol) while getting everything caught up and the groceries put up. I had the store looking good by the time Peggy got to work at 5:am - although I was still a little peeved. But she told me that I could take the night off (too much overtime) and Angel would be working 3rd that night (Tuesday). That's cool.

I come on home and sleep for a while. Do the babysitting thing with Dalian. Talk to D. for a while - nothing major - just some minor chitchat. Talk to Youngblood on the phone for a bit. And finish re-arranging my room. I sit up all night Tuesday night with D. watching movies and hanging out. He leaves at 5:30 am and I go to bed. Until 7:am. I'm woken up by Peggy. She's fired Ashley at the workhole and I need to work 1rst today. So I get up, shower and go to work. Jerry comes in at 2:00 so I can leave. I come home and do the Danger Zone PPV fantasty thingee and start making plans for the night. I was scheduled to work 3rd, but since I worked first, a girl from Maxton will be working in my place. Around 5:45 the phone rings. It's Peggy again. The girl that was supposed to relieve Jerry hasn't showed up. Can I go finish out 2nd shift. Shit! So I go and I arrive just seconds after Kim (the relief girl) has finally arrived. I just get a drink and come back home.

Go across the road and hang out with H & G for a bit. We watch Spider Man II and they want to know when I've talked to Rick. Not in a few days. Well, he told G. that he wants to see me again.. and will be coming over for a while this weekend if its OK. Hmmmm. The same time as Jesse. Should be interesting. Especially since I'm going to my HS reunion on Saturday and won't be here.

I come home and guess what. About 11:15 - the phone rings. The 3rd shift relief hasn't shown up yet! Kim is PO'ed and wants to go home. Can I come to the store and work 3rd. I was kind of snappy at Kim and said what about her being 45 minutes late earlier today. If the girl hasn't shown up by 12:00 - call me back. And I hung up! There was no phone call, so I guess the girl showed up. I went to bed and slept hard until a little while ago.

So far this morning, it's been posting stories for the Wrestling HQ site and going over ideas for a new "SM" column. What fun! I have Dalian again this afternoon, plus it's payday! Yaaaay!

Damn this is a long and boring rant. Maybe I should delete and start over. Nah! I'll just keep it shorter and hopefully more entertaining next time. My apologies to anyone who actually reads this crap. I'm outta here.
-Doug

I Survived!

Today (well, technically, it would be yesterday now!) was a very long day. But I managed to get quite a bit done. Worked 3rd shift on Saturday night. Things went pretty well and it was busy, but I had a good night.

Came home Sunday AM and started cooking for the family thingee we do every Sunday. Cooked for two hours and decided it was nap time. Nope - I have a column to write for the Wrestle-Zone.co.uk site. There's a PPV tonight, so I have to do my predictions. Did that in about two hours - and wrote another mind-numbing edition of "Six Minutes".. Now, it's time to go to bed. I go to bed and ten minutes later, there's a knock at the door. It's my friend, Jesse. I ride with him to Wal-Mart and we hang out for a little bit. It's 12:30 now and I need to get home. He drops me off, reminding me that we're supposed to be getting together this afternoon for a while. Oh geez! How can I forget?

I get a quick shower to wake up and it's time for the family thingee. Tatz is here to pick me up. Do the family thing. Eat and talk crap for a while. I (officially) find out that Morgan (my niece) is pregnant. I already knew, but I had to act surprised. Way cool! I get home about 3:30... and decide it's bedtime. Nope. here's Jesse again. We go off and hang out a while in a secluded little spot I know of. Nothing fancy or exciting - just a little playing around and whatever. I get home again and it's a little after 5:00. I manage to go to bed and sleep for 1 1/2 hours and it's back up again. I set my VCR to record the "No Mercy" PPV and it's across the road to see G. and H. We're supposed to go to a cookout this afternoon and they have some guy coming that they want to hook me up with. OK - this should be fun. I'm tired and I feel like crap. Time to make a great first impression, right?

Met the dude - and he's cute. Younger than me - about 19 or so - with dark brown skin and greenish eyes. I think his name was Rick. Hell, I don't know. I called him "dude" most of the night. I suck with names anyhow. Let me use a nickname and it'll be OK. We talked and talked and made a connection, I guess. He wants to "hook up" sometime. All righty then. Sometime, we will, but not tonight. I'm tired. We get home about 10:30 and I'm exhausted. Time for bed. I managed to sleep until 2:00 am when Glen (my neighbor) was tapping at my window. I wake up and he's lit and buzzing and has a surprise for me. We go across the road to his house and "Dude" is there. And he's lit too. Glen's wife, H, is just laughing at them. So I stayed over there with "Dude" until 4:00 this morning. G & H took off for a little while to do a beer run (to a bootleggers house) and left me & "Dude" alone - to look after their son, who was asleep. Stevie, the son, never stirred and me & Rick started talking and well, one thing led to another....

Eventually H & G returned and we drank a few beers. It's getting late and H. started dropping hints about having to be up in a couple of hours. So we all excused ourselves and left. H & G went to bed and I stood out front and talked to Rick for a few minutes before he left too! He's a really sweet and sexy guy - and I have no regrets about anything. It's just a thing. I feel like such an easy little slut sometimes. But it's all good. I'm single and not committed to anyone. Rick is an adult - and so is Jesse. I spent too many years in love and devoting myself to one person who turned out to not be worth a damn. It's time to live for myself and enjoy things a bit. And I am.

But that's my day. I'll watch the PPV later this morning when I get back up. I go to work tonight on 3rd, so I have all day to do that and catch up on my sleep. I think I might re-arrange my room a bit too. I'm tired of the same old-same old.

Yesterday (Sunday) was a busy day. Two get togethers - and two "get-togethers".. LMAO! Plus I wrote a column, cooked, and went to Wal-Mart. No wonder I'm getting old and cranky. I'm getting worn out! LMAO! Today (Monday) is a day of rest and tonight, it's back to the grind. What fun!

Enough ranting. I'm going back to bed now! Have a great day! Aloha!

Crazy...

Crazy?
I used to be crazy!
They put me in a rubber room!
I died in that room!
They buried me where the flowers grow.
One came down and tickled my nose.
It drove me crazy!

An old friend named Johnny Hopkins used to say that all the time. Guess what? The guy was crazy! LMAO! I miss that guy sometimes. I wonder where he is today?

Mmmmm! Mmmmm! Good! - Soup Is Good Food!

Friday night and I'm getting ready for another night at the hole. Yesterday was long, but went pretty well. Business was steady, but nothing major - and it went by fast.

Talked to Donald - the ex-on-the-side thing of my former psycho-roomie, Shelley. He just got out of the ER - having a toenail removed. I've known the guy for years, but we've never really talked. Last night - we talked. About Shelley - about his toe - and just stupid stuff. He was picking at me about a bad fling I had a while back that I didn't think he knew about. He did.. thanks for bringing THAT up! Geez! So I made some jabs about Shelley and it was all good. We both laughed about making mistakes - and both my thing and his were BIG mistakes.

Found out that my former neighbor was beaten up yesterday and airlifted to Chapel Hill. Drugs involved, of course.. and someone put an axe-handle through his head. He's not expected to survive. I'd like to say I'm surprised, but I'm not. I got along with Shawn, but I could tell where he was headed way back when we were neighbors. It's really a sad situation - even if he lives, he's going to be brain damaged and messed up for the rest of his life.. and all because of being involved with the wrong folks and doing the wrong things.

I can't judge or condemn. I'm no angel myself, but I've always tried to be careful and knew where to draw the line. Sone folks learn. I did. He never did. I hope his suffering and pain isn't long - and he either makes a full recovery - or goes to a better place. I'm not sure at this point which would be better - although, sadly, I think it'd be the latter.

Today is Russ's birthday. I can't find his phone number anywhere. I've got his Ma's address and phone # - but she moved from that place a while back. I think his brother lives there now. I'll try to call tomorrow and track Russ down. He's another guy who's making mistakes and headed down the wrong path. And yeah, from what I've heard, it's drugs. That really sucks. He's truly a guy that has it all - brains, looks, a personality, a true "total package" - and he's throwing it away. I love the guy to death and wish I could be up there to try and help him, but I can't. My place is here in NC - so all I can do is try and be supportive and be here if he needs me.

Geez! This is a somber post. Maybe something funny or cool will happen at the store tonight and I'll end up with something funny to talk about here. I still need to get a column written.. and do my fantasy PPV thingee too for the Danger Zone. Maybe that'll happen tomorrow AM too! yeah, right!

OK - I'm gone. Time to go to work! Wish me luck!
-Doug

Ever Have One of Those Days

It's been a helluva day.. and it's gonna be a helluva night. I'm fixing to go to work to pull a 12 hour shift. Ouch! I mentioned in an earlier post that Brenda was going to get terminated eventually. Well, it happened today. So me and Angel are spliting up her shift for today - Angel worked 7am - 7pm.. and I'm doing the night shift. I'm getting shitted here...lol.

I worked 3rd last night - and did the AM breakfast thingee with D. No - I never learn. We go to Huddle House and I listen to him talk.. and talk.. and talk. I get home at 11:30 am and the message is waiting on the phone about the schedule change. I sleep two hours and then it's babysitting time with the Demon Spawn. We went up town to get my paycheck cashed and then its here to wait for Dalian. That was cool. All she wanted to do was play in the rain. Go for it kid! I slept two more hours and it's time to go to work. I'm just waiting for the mother-figure to get back home to run me down there.

Just talked to Tian.. and she (reluctantly) agreed to be my witness for the DWI hearing. I'll mail this bad mama-jama off in the AM and get the ball back rolling on that.

MAJOR NEWS! I'm not supposed to know this yet so shhhhhh! Don't tell anyone! My niece, Morgan - is with child. I guess it's cool. She's 22. Her beau, Andrew is 26. They've been together for almost 3 years - and they have plans to get married in the spring. OK then. But I wasn't expecting this... Gosh! I'll find out this weekend (officially) at the family thing, I guess. I'm happy for them, but I'm just not sure if this is a good idea at this point and time. But that's not up to me - so I'm happy for them. They're both good people and will be good parents - I'm pretty sure about that. So congrats to Andrew and Morgan... Lots of love!

I guess that's all for now. My only day off this week will be Sunday (Family day) so I expect my time on the computer will be few and far between. I have a new (Six-Minutes) to put out - plus a fantasy PPV and the next edition of Danger Zone Wrestling to draw up as well too. And I still want to do a WWE Homecoming Recap - plus finish a Nitro recap I started on a few days ago. So much to do and so little time...lol.

This is going to be a hell-week. Next weekend is my high school reunion. What fun?? That should be something to write home about.

I'm outta here now. I have to go to work.

Tomorrow (October 7) is Russ Cherico's birthday. Russ is a cool dude from my WIlmington days who currently lives up in CT. Happy Birthday Russ! I miss ya much, my friend. Lots of love to you!

And that's a wrap! See ya!

Weird Dreams, Schedule Changes & Late Night Visits

Back again and it's early Wednesday AM. Time for another update of the past 24 hours - and it's been a doozy! No wonder I stay tired - too much drama and B.S. for any normal man.

Early yesterday - it went OK. I got up and played on the computer for a while and then went back to bed. Weird dreams again. My Grandma was there - but it wasn't her. Same voice and mannerisms, but this was a modern version - as if Grandma Vick about 40 years younger and still alive... But the home we were in was a cross between her old house in Ohio - and the house I grew up in down in Raleigh. The best and most unique qualities of both houses - the two places where I loved to be the most while growing up. And somehow or another - it went from salavaging boxes of comic books and albums from the upstairs bedrooms at Grandma's house to the family room of my childhood house - and the ceiling is covered in moths. I told you this was weird. And I have to leave because I have to get back to my office to help evacuate the people in jail. But I keep getting lost in the backrooms of the courthouse. A storm is coming and the mice and bugs are leaving the building, single file and in a straight line. And then I woke up. I told you it was weird. Any shrinks out there with an opinion on this one? I mean, besides reccomending a long vacation in a padded room...lol.

Anyhow - back to reality. Dalian, aka "The Demon Spawn" came over after school and I did the babysitting thing for a couple of hours. And then, off to work for what was SUPPOSED to be 4 hours - 5pm to 9pm. That's what was on the schedule when I last worked. I got to work and it'd been changed - and I'm working until 11:00 pm... What the...? And I had made plans. Jesse was coming tp pick me up at 9:00 so we could hang out for a couple of hours before I headed home. I was pissed! But I worked until 11:00 - and forgot to clock out. I need to call Peggy and let her know so she can fix the timeclock. Jesse came by and we talked for a few minutes and he wasn't happy - but he left. We'll get up later this week, I guess. He wants to get a motel room this weekend. I doubt that'll happen because I'll be working all weekend - but I'm off next weekend for my high school reunion. We can get a room then for after the reunion if he'd like. But where was I? My night was ruined, but I made a couple of extra hours of overtime (and saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to Geico... Bwah-ha-ha-ha!) Time to come home and chill for the night.

Ma went to bed and I was in the living room, watching a tape of last night's Monday Night RAW Homecoming. I might do a recap today if I can get myself motivated. There's a knock at the door and it's my friend, D. He's upset and drunk and wants to talk. At 12:30 at night??? We go outside to sit at the picnic table and talk. He's sloppy drunk - and goes into the whole bit about how he loves me, but he loves women, he's confused, he's sorry he hurt me, he wants us to be friends, etc.. And he tries to get frisky, but I'm not really in the mood right now. I listen and tell him that I like him, think he's a great guy, yadda, yadda, yadda - but it's probably for the best. I'm too old - he's too young - the parents thing, etc.. I'll always be here for him, but he was right about moving on. To make a long story short, we cleared a lot of things up and it ended with a hug. He asked if he could stay here - and he's asleep right now in my bed. I let him go crash and I decided to come in here to be on the computer. I have to go wake him up at 8:00 so he can go home and get ready for work. I can't believe I turned him down.. or that I'd rather be in here on this machine rather than in there with him, but it's for the best. I may be finally growing up (about damn time!) and looking for more than just a warm body and cute face. If it's meant to be, so be it.. but it's not. Not with D. Not with Jesse either. He's good for a fun time and the occasional fling, but there's nothing long term here. I'm just taking it as it comes and enjoying life. What else can I really do?

Damn! I need a long vacation!

It Must Be Monday....

Time for another update of the world's most f*cked up existance that no one ever reads about - thank goodness! It's Monday afternoon and I feel like crap this afternoon. No real reason - I'm just out of it. Let me recap the big moments of the past few days and then see what happens next.

Worked Friday night. They busted my ass - my inside sales beat both 1rst and 2nd shifts - in about 3/4 the time... I forgot it was 1rst of the month. I had my first drive off in over a year - a little drunken assclown bastard. Payed $20 as deposit to fill it up - pumped $38 and drove off. And what could I do? Not a damn thing! I had a store full of people lined up back to the drink coolers. I hate people sometimes.

Saturday night - busy as well, but not all that bad. Saw Pa - but he acted indifferent to me. I guess he really has finally gotten the message. And now that he's not up my ass 24-7, I miss the little bastard. Don't it figure. I swear sometimes that I'm fucked up in the head. And the rest of the time, I know it! : )

Did the family thing on Sunday. Finally got to meet Parker's friend, John. He acts just like Parker - Lord help us! Very cute kid - but he's only 14 - fixing to turn 15. So get the perverted thoughts out of the head, Dougie! At least for 4 more years. Hell, I waited for Pa to turn legal and we all see how well that turned out...lol. Seems like a good kid though.

Jesse came by and I got to meet his kid on Sunday night. That was cool. I really like this guy. He's a bit nuts, but in a good way. Dennis who???? And he's 29 - so he's not some punk kid. He's settled down a bit, has a good job and a family he really adores. A great catch. Where it's headed - I don't know. Maybe a good fling. Maybe just a friend. Right now, those seem to be in short supply. Nah - that's not true. I have good friends - but I'm just feeling empty. I need something different in my life. It's work, wrestling and meaningless relationships right now. I like all of them, but don't feel any real passion for any of them right now. And that's sad.

Damn! I'm getting depressed and it probably won't be getting any better anytime soon. The 3 hour RAW on USA network is tonight. I'll probably do a recap for noone to read. Who knows? The HQ site isn't really going yet! I keep checking, but I don't see any changes taking place. I sent Jen 23 pages of wrestling show archives that I got from the old Informer site (with permission of course) - and they're not up yet either. I should start my own site. Give up the blog site -and everything else (my mod duties at DXSI & The Zone), the columns - and just focus on having the best f*cking wrestling site on the net - done my way. Hell, that's a dream! But it'll never happen. I don't have the focus or energy or money. And let's don't even think about the technical mumbo-jumbo B.S. Jen is doing everything she can and the site looks great so far. And I always have Paps and the Wrestle-Zone UK site - thank goodness. So I have established outlets available. I just need to get more focused. Or just get laid more. One or the other.

Hell, that hasn't been a problem lately. Plenty of Mr. Right Now available - but no Mr. Right just yet! I hate this stuff and these games sometimes. But I guess, so far as things go - Mr. Right Now is better than no one at all.

Yuck! I'm tired of rambling! I'm going to bed for a few hours.
-Doug