Back To Work...

Saturday night and time for another update before I head out to work. Regular readers may have noticed that I had posted.. and then deleted a post earlier today. The ex came by the house last night - and after realizing that I was here alone - ended up staying the night. A lot of old and mixed feelings were brought to the surface.. and I ended up letting him get to me. Oh well. Can't change that, but it won't happen again. I won't let it happen again.

Talked to D. again today. His Ma is really on him about hanging out with me so much. She's heard a lot of bad stuff about me (most of it is probably true - but what can I say? I was young! I needed the money!), and while she's not trying to pick his friends or tell him who he can or can't hang out with (Bullshit! Parents always try to pick their kids friends and run their lives - it's part of the job) - she wants him and me to tone it back a bit. People are starting to talk. I should have expected this - hell, I did expect it. D., bless him, told his Ma we're friends and he doesn't give a damn what people think. That's cool, but he's lying to himself. He's 18 - and still maturing and becoming a man. He's still changing and evolving and, as much as he'd like to pretend otherwise, peer pressure is a big part of that. It helps develop who he is and who he will become. So, where this is all going??? - I don't know! I guess it's just play it by ear for a while and see what happens. I don't think we'll quit being friends and hanging out every so often, but I think things will be slowed down a bit. It's unavoidable, once the parents start getting involved. Maybe I should go talk to his Ma and try to quench her fears about me & her boy! But that could easily backfire and cause more problems. Damn! Life sucks sometimes. I guess I'll just play this one as it comes and see what happens. D. is a great guy and I want to do what's best for him. I know he's close to his Ma & the rest of the family and what they think matters a lot to him. Geez!

I'll deal with all of this later. It's time to go to work! Later!
-Doug

Smells Like A Rose...

Late Friday night - or early Sunday morning, if you prefer. The mother-figure is staying over at my sister's again - and D. just left... so I'm all alone again! : ( Not a bad day. Watched the movie "Be Cool" with John Travolta & The Rock... along with many others. Not a great movie - but good enough. Funny! The Rock as "Elliot" was the highlight.. Cedric the Entertainer & Vince Vaughn were funny too! And Aereosmith too! Who wasn't in this movie? I can see why it didn't win any major awards - but it was still a fun little way to kill two hours. On a 1 - 5 scale -I'll give it a 3 1/2..... Good fun!

Had an interesting talk with D. tonight. I fixed us dinner - turkey breast with stuffing, baked beans, potato salad & biscuits! I'm not a bad cook if i say so myself - and did a good job! I thought about getting all fancy - but I don't want to ruin things - so it was just paper plates and sitting around the den while watching TV and talking instead. Good thing it wasn't anything serious. D's mom has heard things about me and asked him what the deal was with our friendship. I think she's getting a little nervous about her son. D tells me that he told her we were just friends - nothing more. And not to worry aobut anything. I can see why she's worried - he's a great guy, sexy as hell, and at the impressionable age of 18.. and all of a sudden, he's hanging out with this old guy, who's a known homosexual. I'd be worried too! But in this case, there's nothing to worry about. D is a smart guy and no one - not even me - can convince him to do anything he doesn't want to do. We're friends - with similar tastes in music, movies, wrestling, etc. His mom has nothing to worry about if she thinks I'm going to take advantage of or hurt her son. He still dates girls and I've been encouraging him about that. I'm not giving up my other relationships and why should he? If anything ever happens between us - cool! And if not, well, that's cool! But I'd sooner just vanish from D's life rather than cause him any problems or have him catch any grief because of his friendship with me. I'm not going to hide who or what I am for anyone. But I'm not flashy or flamboyant & I don't want to have someone else suffer because of their relationship with me. Me & D's mother get along fine, so maybe she's just being careful and this will all blow over. I may just go chill with her one day and reassure her that nothing is going on with me & her son - and hopefully, she can feel better about our relationship. Who knows?

My Ma is actually fairly cool about the whole deal. The gay thing - she doesn't want to know... anything. She know's I'm gay, but lives in a major state of denial.. like the U.S. Military. Our house is a "don't ask-don't tell" zone. I think she suspects something about D., but since she has no proof - and we're not blatant or obvious - and since I've been more pleasant to be around for the past month or so... she's just going with the flow. She's just happy to see me hanging out with someone who will get me out of the house sometimes - and doesn't drink or smoke... and has a job! She pretty much lives in her own world most of the time anyhow - she knows what's going on, but filters out the stuff she doesn't like or understand. Whatever works for her, I guess. She likes D.and thinks he's a good kid! She'd still rather see me dating women (what mother wouldn't) - but so long as I'm acting happy - it's all OK.

This is beginning to turn into a ramble and I don't want to do that. I'll quit now and go read some e-mails or something. I still need to do a new column - I even have my subject matter outlined out for a couple of good columns if I ever quit procrastinating. But I just don't feel inspired about the wrestling right now.. and for my last two columns - I want them to have feeling and that magic... and not just be going through the motions.

Aw, to hell with it! I'm going to bed! Until the morning comes!
-D

T.G.I.F. (fur sure!)

Good morning! TIme for the daily update! Worked 2nd shift yesterday (for a change) - good change of routine for me. I wouldn't want to do it every day, but it breaks the monotony and gets me away from the craziness of 3rd shift for a little while - so it's good. Nothing major to talk about. G. stopped by the store and told me to come by his house when I get off work at 11:00. Ummm, I don't think so! I told him that "I'll try, if it's not too late!"... I didn't get out of there until 11:45pm - so it was too late. Tee-hee!

Stormed bad last night too! I got drenched just going from inside the store to the car - just 15 feet away. Terri & Ma came to pick me up - they brought me home and then the mother-figure went to stay at Terri's for the night. She's having problems with her medication and needs to have someone around in case she has a reaction. So she gets the mother-figure, and I get the house to myself (well, me & the animals )...

Youngblood called - at 12:38 am... and got to talk to the machine. I'm not answering the phone that late unless it's an emergency. It wasn't. He was wasted and kayfabing someone - holding a mock conversation with my answering machine, while someone else in the background was talking. All-righty then. Happy (belated) BD - Mike!

All by myself and nothing to do. I wish I had known in advance, and I would have made arrangements to have a little company, but I didn't know, so no dice on that! It was storming pretty badly, so I didn't want to get on the computer. So I watched TV for a while, flipping channels. I understand now why I rarely watch TV anymore. And then, time to go to bed - around 3:00 am.

Listened to the machine this morning and laughed at Mike. Also, a message on there from my long-long bro, Greg. He's in Indiana now, driving trucks. He lived here at the homestead for over a year after seperating from his wife. He lost his job in Mt. Giliad and went back down to his parents house at the beach to regroup and now, I guess he has. He was talking about this long-distance trucking thing for a while - so I guess he decided to go for it! Good luck, brother G. I hope it works out well. Miss ya way much & love ya!

By the way, Sunday is Greg's BD too! Happy Birthday to my little brother and an all-around cool dude - Greg C. Love ya much dude!

As for today, I might (finally) attempt to get a new "TS" column written. I did a "Best of" edition of "Six Minutes" yesterday - so I'm actually covered at the site for a few days. But I'm slacking bad and really need to get something new up there. It's going to be hot & muggy all day - so I don't think I'll be going out unless absolutely necessary. Wait a sec! It's Friday. That means chinese with Tatz. Plus I have to do my computer payment at RAC. I guess I'll be going out after all.

I really need to go get a haircut. Something short.. and much cooler than the white man fro / mullet currently on top of my head. It's going to be a slow and boring day. But things will be picking up soon! I wonder what D. is doing this morning? I think he has to work. I've got some work he can do! Heh! Heh!

Geez! This post is so lame. So boring! I think for now, I'm going back to bed. It's too damn early and I'm still tired (bored)... Until the next time - ciao!

-Doug

The Dream...

I told you that I would tell you about the strange dream I had last night. What's weird is that some of the people I saw in my dream, I haven't talked to or thought about in years. It's just plain strange, anyhow. Bear with me. This is what I remember.....lol

Casey is there and wearing a blue dress. It's kind of like a fancy evening gown, and he's just standing there, talking about banana pudding. It's raining outside and we can see the rain coming down and hear it beating against the roof. Casey says something about how his pudding is going to get wet. From there, I'm suddenly in a dark room. I'm drinking with Kever, Lad, Chad, JR, Jed, Alex, Casey, and some others I don't recognize. Jed keeps trying on different pairs of shades, and asking "Do I look cool?" JR is yelling at someone in another room. That fits, since in real life, JR is almost always yelling. Kever, Lad & Alex are playing cards. I suddenly realize that my back is hurting. Casey tells me to lie on the floor and he'll give me a massage. I tell him not to walk on me because his feet are too big. (He wears a size 18 shoe - no shit!) And then, I wake up.

So what does it mean? Am I smoking crack in my sleep and not remembering it? Of the entire crew in my dream, only Chad & Lad are people I see on a regular basis. I've seen JR maybe twice in the past six months. Kever is in prison, where he belongs. Alex lives down in Wilmington, although I haven't spoken to him in probably four years. And I haven't spoken with Casey in close to 8 - 9 months. Whassup wit dat? Anyhow, that's my weird dream from last night? Does it make any sense to anyone, cause it sure as hell doesn't to me.

Maybe I shouldn't have had those doritos & that bean dip before going to bed last night. Yeah - I'll blame it on that. Why the hell not? I ought to call up Alex & Casey and tell them I was dreaming about them. It'd be a great way to break the ice and get a conversation rolling and resurrect some lost friendships. That'd be cool, but I'm way too neglectful of the friendships in my life now. Why does everyone keep putting up with me and my anti-sociable ways? I don't know why, but I'm glad they do. I don't tell any of them often enough how much I value the relationships and friendships I have with the people in my life.. I take it for granted they know. These people mean so much to me - so why can't I just tell them? I think I have some issues to deal with. But I think they know!

-Doug

Weird Movies And Even Weirder Dreams

It's Thursday morning. Time for the daily update. Yesterday ended up being a bit strange. I tried to stay inside for most of the day due to the heat. It was way hot out there. D. came by early and we watched some movies. He left and I vegged out in front of the TV, surfing channels for a while... and then came in here to play on the computer. (Sounds exciting so far, right?) Caught up most of my e-mails and then went to the TV to watch "Team America - World Police". Nothing like two hours of terrorists, F.A.G.'s, and puppets. The movie was cool - slightly disturbing, and funny as hell. Matt Stone & Trey Parker are the men! South Park is one of the best cartoons in history - and this is one of the most interesting puppet movies ever. Of course, it's the only puppet movie I think I've ever seen, except for Pinnochio (which I think I just spelled wrong).. And that was a cartoon. But it was so blatantly disrespectful and just plain strange - these guys rock! South Park with strings.. There ya go!

Anyhow, watched the movie and went back to bed! Still too hot to fish, too hot for golf, and to0 col.. I mean too hot at home. Damn! I love those song lyrics, but they just don't work here. I tried though, so it's good!

I was woken up around 10:00pm when I heard the dog (Spice) going nuts. Ma was getting home from my sisters house... and she wasn't alone. Youngblood was here too. I heard her & him talking for a moment. She told him that I was asleep and he, after peeking in my room to verify if I was actually asleep (I wasn't but I faked it - shhhh!) - he excused himself and left. Today is his BD, by the way.

Happy Birthday to pro-wrestler and all-around lovable lunatic Mike Youngblood.

OK, where was I? I heard Mike leave and decided to get up. I spoke with the mother-figure for a few moments and was informed that she had gone by my work-place, The Kangaroo Express - and I had to go to work this afternoon at 3:00 rather than be off like I originally thought. Boy, that sucks! But I'm off Friday and probably Saturday as well, so I won't complain.

I took a shower, and heard the mother-figure talking to someone. Guess who? From across the road, it's G. He's slightly (?) buzzed and wants me to come over and hang out a while. I don't want to, but I go anyhow. While we walk out the front door, he grabs my ass... and asks if I'm ready to get busy. Nope! I don't think so! He says, "We'll see!" and we walk across the road. Guess who's sitting on the front porch? His wife? She saw everything, but doesn't say anything. She's polite and we talk for a bit, but it's obvious she's pissed at G. G. starts talking about how I'm his only friend.. and I never come around anymore, etc. Geez! I wonder why? I haven't done anything with him.. and I'm not going to. He needs to get that straight and maybe I'll start coming around. But just to be groped and made to feel guilty for not responding - that just sucks. G. hints around about going to get some beer and drinking a few. I remind him that he has to be up at 6am to go to work, and mention that I have some things to do inside my house on the computer. he pouts and gets mad a little bit, but finally decides to go to bed since I don't want to "hang out". And so long as I can avoid it, I'm not going to "hang out" with him. Not alone anyhow. He's too pushy and makes me nervous sometimes. I like him fine, but I don't really trust him and that makes all the difference.

Come back home and play on the computer for a while. I'm downloading all of my CD's to my music library. Over 100 CD's copied so far.. and quite a few more to go. I wish there was a way to put cassette tapes on to the computer, but I don't know how. I literally have thousnds of cassette tapes that I've collected since I was in pre-school (I've always had a big thing for music) and now, most of them just sit around in boxes, collecting dust. Anyone have any suggestions about how I can transfer those to the computer for easy access and burning CD's? If so, please let me know! Then after that, I went to bed and had a very strange dream. But I'm not going into the details now. I was going to, but I just noticed the time. D. is due here in about 20 minutes and I still need to shower and shave. More when I return. Next post will be... the dream!
-Doug

Boy, it's hot out there.....

It's Wednesday morning and time for another exciting (?) update about my world! Welcome to it, my friends.

What to talk about? I'm off work - finally. I was off yesterday - and it was way hot outside. The heat index was running about 115 degrees..... Yikes! I still haven't gotten a new "TS" column up. I started on one this morning with a good rant about the WWE, Muhammad Hassas, UPN and all that B.S. Cheap plugs for this site, the Totally-Kronik site, and a thing I stumbled across called DailyDancer.com. And the computer decided to crash on me. So I said just screw it all and went back to bed.

Maybe I'll start again this afternoon and try to get something going. I'm off work until Saturday night - 4 days in a row - whoo-hoo!

Yesterday - not much going on around here. Me & D. watched some movies (Return of the Killer Tomatos, SpaceBalls) - and laughed a lot. But that was pretty much it. Just a day of relaxing and staying inside away from the heat.

I contacted DMV - the hearing to get my license restored will be on August 30th - at 8:30am. I've got to round up three credible witnesses now to terstify on my behalf. Let's see - do I have 3 friends who will speak well of me, help my case.. and have a valid drivers license? I think I can come up with someone. Tian will do it. Rabbit will probably do it if I can get ahold of him. He's a former ALE officer and current member of Maxton's finest - so he would definitely be a good one to have on my side. And maybe I can convince one of my friends on the LPD or SCSD to lend a hand. I've gotta think positive - this time, it's all gonna work out and I can get back to having a life again....

Happy (belated) Birthday to Chris Dial, Billie Jo Emanuel & Roy Gee. Tomorrow, it's TMA's BD.. Happy Birthday to a wonderful and fantastic lady! Lots of love, my friend.

I know this is all kind of boring - nothing too much to talk about - and I'm not really all that enthusiastic right now anyhow. Maybe I'll be more inspired later. I think I'll walk up the store to get some caffeine. Hell no! It's hot out there. TAXI! I think Im going to bed. Later gator!

-Doug

Monday Night - Feels Alright!

Monday night - and I feel all right! Time for a short update before I go watch Monday Night RAW. Watched the Bash last night. OK show - but nothing great. The finish in the JBL-Batista match was lame.. and the WWE took the chicken shit way out in having the Undertaker destroy Muhammad Hassan... I'll be talking more about that in my next 'TS" column - probably coming up tomorrow morning.

Went to work - and was 10 minutes late. Snaggle-tooth was getting worried - and left without filling her cooler - or doing much of anything else. I didn't have the chance to go behind and check before getting stuck on the register - so she took advantage and got the hell out of Dodge. Oh well - whatever! What's the old saying about paybacks? Wait until she see's the schedule for this upcoming week. She hates 3rd shift. I already went to the boss-lady and I'm supposed to be off on Friday and Sat. night... the two worst nights of the week.. Guess who will be working! Ha! Choke on that - gummy!

Got in touch with DMV today about getting the ball rolling about getting my drivers license back (finally)... I should be getting a reply back tonight or in the AM - and we can get things moving. I'm trying it their way - the legal way - one more time. I've been good for a long time - but this not having a license b.s. is just that - bull shit! It's all a money racket anyway. If I was a rich guy with loads of cash or a rich daddy to pay some big bucks to the NC DMV - I'd have had my license back years ago. If I was an alcoholic or drug abuser - hell, I'd probably have a license again.. and probably a job with the DMV. But I'm a working guy with no money - just trying to get by. I fucked up big time back in 1996... and 9 years later - I'm still paying for it. It's all who you know and how much ass you're willing to kiss. Well, homme' don't play that! Believe it or not! I'm too stubborn for my own good sometimes - I admit it. Anyhow - I've got it all getting started again. Maybe it will work out this time. I sure as hell hope so.

Talked to Pa last night. I thought he had gotten the message - but apparantly not. I cussed him out (again) and he started talking dirty - wanting to get funky in the back of the store. Damn - I hate that guy.. and love 'em too! Nothing happened. It never will at work - belee' dat! I like my job - and won't risk it with any monkey business. But despite all my denials and resistance - some of the old feelings are stirring again. Just a little bit - but I can't deny some feelings are still there. It doesn't matter. I can do better ... and am doing better. Pa is someone better left alone and burined in the past. I know that! I understand that! Now, I just have to convince him... and myself of that again... one more time!

Only saw D. for a little while this afternoon. He had to work early today - and I was drag-ass sleepy all day from not getting any sleep yesterday - so we cut it short. Talked about the Bash, watched Buffy the Vampire Slayer on FX, and hung out for a little bit. I'm off tomorrow and Wednesday - so we'll play catch-up then.

I guess that's enough for now. Time to go get RAW! Ciao!

And the award goes to....

It's hot today... in the 90's and not a cool spot anywhere. Whassup wit dat? Not much to talk about today. Fixing to go do the family thing with Tian, Tatz & all the kids. And then it's over to Tatz's house to watch the "Great American Bash" PPV by the WWE. And then - off to work for another glorious night on 3rd shift. (Have I ever mentioned that 3rd shift is killing me? Well, now I have! For now, I just want to post a couple of pics of my friend, D. - that he e-mailed me a few minutes ago. He's gonna kill me for doing this - but he's such a hottie - I can't resist. Good thing he doesn't read this site.. : )

Reunions & What Nots!!

I was sitting here - I can't sleep so I decided to look over the stuff for my upcoming 20th hih school reunion. I'm going - I guess! But the thing is - high school was not particularly a great time for me. It had some good times - and some not-so-good times - but nothing really stands out for me. I didn't really begin to join the world and evolve properly until a few years later - when I hooked up with an eclectic group of folks I like to refer to as "The Stoney Crue"... We had all races, nationalities, genders, economic classes, and sexual orientaions. It was all good - be you well off, poor as dirt, black, white, indian, sane or insane... we had 'em all as part of the group. I'm sort of looking forward to the HS reunion - but I'd much rather set aside a few dollars - but lots of hamburgers, steaks, hot dogs, etc... and have a reunion of the crew. It took a while - but all good things must end - and so did our group. I still keep in touch with a few of the folks - and it wouldn't be all that hard to find most of the others. But we've all changed. Some are parents and have done very well. Some are drunks - still living like it's 1990 again. Some have moved away - gotten married - and forgotten all about this plae and these people. Others are still around. It could be a lot of fun... But it could also be opening up several cans of worms that don't need to be opened. For some reason - I keep thinking of a line from an old Billy Joel song "Keeping The Faith" that goes something like... the good old days weren't always good / and tomorrow's not as bad as it seems...

I've got the yard space and a grill for a good cook-out. It's a thought - just to see what happens. I wonder what would happen? Who would show up... and who would stay away, prefering to leave the past buried. Damn! I really need to go to bed. My mind is beginning to wander just a little too much! Ha! A "Stoney Crue" reunion.... This town couldn't handle it!

-Doug

Who Let The Dogs Out!!

Back again - to finish what I was talking about yesterday, before I was lured away by the urge for chinese... and to continue the update into my wild and not-so-crazy (boring) life...

As I was saying, me & D. had a semi-serious talk yesterday AM. We're friends - and that's it. He's straight - I'm not... but that doesn't matter. We may occasionally mess around and whatever - and it's cool. He doesn't want a "relationship" and neither do I, aside from friendship. We've come to an understanding that basically, anything goes - and it's all no strings attached. And if either of us begins to feel uncomfortable or thinks it's going too far or whatever - just say the word - and it's no hard feelings. He's a sweet guy and I'd love to get involved with someone like him, but he's got his whole life ahead of him and things to do... There is a 11 year age difference between us - and right now, it doesn't matter - but it could eventually. It's better to just keep it casual and cool.

As for yesterday - me & Tatz did the Chinese thingee. Then went to Cato's & Dollar Tree to spend some money we don't have... and then it was back here to sleep a few hours and go to work. Last night - very busy. It never stopped from the time I got on the register at 10:55pm until I locked up at 3:00 am. I re-opened the store at 4:00 and it started all over again - non-stop craziness and busy times until well after 5:30am. I thought I would never get caught up on my work. But I did.. and did it well. Yes - I am that damn good! It's true! It's true!

Pa came by. We talked for maybe two minutes while I swept and mopped. He tried to hit me up for some money. I cussed him out and threatened to physically throw his ass out of my store. He left quickly of his own accord instead of arguing with me. I think that maybe he's FINALLY gotten the message. I'm moving on to a better class of loser. It's been real and it's been nice... but it hasn't been real nice! I'm not the same dumb-ass that fell for him all those years ago. I've moved on in my life where he is concerned.. and he needs to do the same!

Talked to Chris last night too! Things are not good between us right now! Oh well! Shit happens.

The WWE released the hottest, sexiest Diva around - Lisa Moretti (aka Ivory) yesterday. With the show "WWE Experience" preparing to end, I understand this cut! But she's so damn fine! I've said it many times - for that lady, I'd do anything - and be as straight as she wants me too! I've told every person in my life this many times over the past several years - I'll never lie to you.. or cheat on you so long as we're together... but if Ivory or Juventud Guerrera ever become available to me.. all bets are off. Those two are so damn sexy! And they can wrestle too!

Andrew is here right now (or he was anyhow!) That's Morgan's BF. He missed a couple of days work last week and his payday was short. So he's cutting the grass for me! He looks so fine! Too bad he's another straight dude... and engaged to my niece. Just kidding! Andrew is off-limits, after all, he's practically family! He's a great guy - and I'm glad to be able to help him out a little bit. It helps me out too! I hate yardwork. He's gone home to get his lawnmower. The one we have is pretty crappy... and he wants to hurry and get done so he can go fishing. Good for him!

That's enough for today. I'm going to bed so I can do the 3rd shift thingee again tonight! Until the next time - may the farce be with you!

Da Sensei! (Who? Me?)

Take me out to the ballpark....

Don't ya just love that pic? There's nothing quite like a day at the ballpark. Not for me. Except for the Demon-Spawn's pee-wee league games, I hate it! I'm not a sports person - except for the king of sports - wrestling (of course!)... But none of that has anything to do with anything.

I just wanted to get in here for a few minutes and do some quick updating on my boring life. I worked Wed. night - in B.'s place. And last night - that was my shift. And now, I only have four more nights of hell before I get my (alleged) day off. This is gonna be a long weekend.

Had a bum locked up last night. Well, it was just Floyd - the local town crazy guy. He's not supposed to step foot on our store's property in any way, shape, or form. He scares the customers and tries to bum money and cigs out in the parking lot. He showed up last night - I called the law as soon as I sw him out in the parking lot - and Laurinburg's finest showed up - slapped the handcuffs on him, and carried him away. I hate doing that - sometimes... but in Floyd's case - he's been warned more times that I can count - I'va had him locked up before - and he keeps coming back. As long as he keeps coming back - he'll keep getting locked up. A vicious cycle - but I've got no choice.

I found out where BJ is... and why he hasn't been up to the store lately. Speaking of getting locked up..lol. I talked to a lady who works at the county jail ---- and BJ is currently in custody. A B.S. charge - trespassing and loitering. That mouth always gets him in trouble.. and it has again. I feel sorry for the guy though. He has no family. His dad is dead. His brother is dead - and was killed by his other brother - who's currently doing long-term prison time. His Mama is crazy and (so I've heard from others who know the situation) - gets and blows BJ's "crazy check" every month - but won't allow him in her house. She wants the money - but doesn't give a fuck about her kid. He's got no home - no place to stay - and gets by as best he can. The little bit of money I give him for helping me out at work is all the money he gets. I've heard that his Mom will ocasionally give him $20 here and there to make him stay away - but hell, the check he gets is close to $900 a month. What about the rest of it?

I feel sorry for the boy. The lady at the jail filled me in on most of that - and I've heard the rest by asking around with folks that know BJ. I've been warned that he'll steal, but he hasn't stepped a bit out of line around me at the store - and I've been watching carefully. He works and will do anything to earn money - and then spends it right back at the store for chips, drinks, etc. Hell, if I didn't have any income or a place to live - I'd steal too to survive. You do what you've gotta. But I'd rather work and earn my keep - and he seems the same way. If I had a place for him, I'd let him come stay with me - but since I'm living here at the mother-figure's - I can't do it! I've got a friend who works at DSS - she's an ex-sheriff's deputy who used to hang out with me at the store when she worked night-shift - and I've called her to see about trying to get BJ set up with an apt. and some kind of work - get him some help. She asked if I'd be willing to assume guardianship if it becomes necessary. He's 24 years old - so I don't know about all that - but I do want to help the guy get straight. He's a special dude and deserves far better than the hands that life has dealt him so far. I'll update this as I know more.

To think - I just wanted a sexy piece of ass - and I may end up with a son of sorts...lol. Life is so fuckin' strange...

Anything else? Oh yeah - Chris came by this morning. He was in the neighborhood and decided to stop by. We're still "friends" - although I don't really have much use for him these days. He stopped by... but D. was already here. We were watching "Dude, Where's My Car"... Love that movie...lol. Chris came in and was just talking - and rambling about this and that. No big deal. D. was really cool - he just listened - and subtly slid up next to me and grabbed hold of my hand. Yep! The straight boy held my hand while my ex was there visiting. The look on Chris's face was priceless. He made some excuses and left. I asked D. - whassup wit dat? He just said, calm as can be, "I just wanted to piss him off! He's an asshole!" All righty then! Mission accomplished! As far as my relationship with D. goes - it's just friendship - nothing more. We had a semi-serious talk early this morning and ....

Ooops! Gotta go! Tatz is here and we're going chinese.... Later gator!
-Me

I'm Not Even Supposed To Be Here Today.....

Have you ever seen the movie "Clerks"? That's my life. Tonight was supposed to be my day off - well, guess how that's working out? Not too good! Gummi (not her real name, obviously) - has decided to show her ass a bit at work and lay out for a few days. But she has a doctor's note...lol. The dumb bitty. Whenever she doesn't want to work - she does this crap. I'm glad she doesn't need to work. Hell, I need the money and I'm glad to get the OT. I'd like to actually get my day off every so often as well, but if someone has to be there - it may as well be me.

Strange day today. I went to the doctor's office this morning for a follow-up appointment. My blood pressure is still good. I'm losing weight - need to lose more, but it's a start. And it's all going well. Except for that damn place on my leg - a bruise that won't go away - and seems to be getting worse. it's been there for a couple of years now - and (finally) it's starting to worry me. The doc seems stumped and is trying another antibiotic creme - and if this doesn't help out - he's recomending a dermatologist. That'll run big buck$ so I want to hold off if possible. He did blood work earlier (at my insistence) so it's no major blood diseases - not diabetes or anything more serious. It's more annoying that anything else - but hopefully this new creme will work. Who knows?

Anyhow, got home from the doc's office and watched the "Fairly Oddparents" for a while. My niece, the "Demon-Spawn" got me hooked on that show - and it is funny stuff. Stupid - but funny. D. came by and had a copy of "The Longest Yard" - bootleg DVD's rule! I was worried that after yesterday, D. would be different - 18 year old guys are so fuckin' strange sometimes - but he's not. We watched the movie - talked crap a while - and ended up on the floor wrestling. Nothing more today. It looked as if it might go a little farther - but something happened. The mother-figure came home.

Yep! The bad thing about living in the same house with your parent (as I do) - it can be a bit "inconvenient" at times - to say the least. Ma's timing - was as always - perfect. Another two minutes - and she would have gotten a eyeful - to say the least. Damn! But we heard her pull up (the alarm system - Spice started barking) - and got ourselves together - so when she came in - all she saw was me & D. laughing and watching "TLY" on the TV. We helped her bring in the groceries - and then D. left to go home - he had to go to work this afternoon - and I decided it was time to go to bed. Unfotunately, it was all by myself! : (

I thought Youngblood was coming by tonight - but there's been no sign of him thus far. I called his house earlier and left a message that I had to work tonight - so he's probably found something else to do... I was supposed to hang out with G. & H. tonight too - but I wasn't very anxious to do that (for obvious reasons) - so I conveniently, accidentially forgot - all the stress of working on the day off - don't ya know!

I really need to write back to TMA. I keep meaning to get to it, but I keep putting off my reply until I have time to really get into it and talk about everything and make it mean something. And it just keeps getting put off. I want to talk to TMA - and see her. She's an amazing lady and one of the best friends I've ever had. Damn - I need to quit delaying and get with the program. Luckily, she knows how I am sometimes - but I still need to get off my ass and write. There is really no excuse.

I need to get in touch with Brent and Marsh too. I miss them guys way much! And as with TMA, I really don't have any excuses except for being a slack-ass. That'll be my goal for tomorrow. TMA & Brent anyhow. I have to find Marsh's telephone number again - I guess that means calling his Ma or Pops - Mr. M. will love that. I was always one of his favorite people in Marsh's life... (Note the sarcasm there!) But he'll still give me the number - so it's good!

I guess that's enough of a ramble for today. It's time to go to work. Wednesday night - what fun! And the best part of it all - "I'm not even supposed to be there today!" Ain't I a whining bitch sometimes...lol.

-Me

Yee-Haw!

I just wanted to try out the bit that downloads pics. Cute cartoon - right? I think I'm gonna have fun with this.....lol.

And D. has gone home now. We watched RAW, had breakfast, watched a very screwed up movie called "Bully" - fantastic movie - but very disturbing.. and then...

Ha! Wouldn't you like to know? But let's just say that our relationship and friendship has moved on to a new level. It's all just casual fun and "no strings attached" - we each still have our seperate lives to live - but the time we do spend together - I think things are really beginning to pick up now! Yee-Haw! 'Nuff said!

-Me

The Times - They Are A Changin'...(or are they?)

And here we go again - another update. Since the last one - things have been moving fast.. very fast. I'm not sure where to begin! (How about at the beginning?)

OK - I was born the son of a sharecropper....lol. OK -not that beginning! Let's start with Sunday. Did the family thng with Tian & Tatz & the kids. Had fun. Cooked out, swam a bit, and played cards. 'Nuff said!

Still no word from BJ or Pa... I guess Pa finally got the message - but what's up with BJ? I ought to find out.

D? - he's cute, he's waaay too young - and he's curious. Should I risk the friendship and go for the gusto - or discourage the intimacy and just settle for a cool side-kick and partner-in-crime? These past few days - he's been leading the conversation into uncharted territory and it's been pretty intense. But is he just fishing for information or is it a lead-in to something more? And why the hell have I developed a conscious? And when did it fuckin' happen? A couple of years ago - I would have been all over him like white on rice and damn the consequences - but after the whole deal with Chris - I've started to worry about feelings, and friendships, and all that crap. I won't risk a good friendship for a piece of ass - even one as cute as D. So where is all this headed? Your guess is as good as mine?

Youngblood is home from PR. He got home last Wednesday - and had his kid up to visit from last Thursday morning until last night. We've talked a couple of times - and will probably get together and hang out either today or else tomorrow, when I'm off again from work.

Speaking of tomorrow - I think I'm supposed to go see G. (across the road). I've been dodging him for a while - but he caught me last night. Came knocking at my window at 12:30am - says he saw the light on - but he's bullshitting there. G. was a bit ripped.. and wanted to talk. Actually, he was feeling a little frisky and wanted to mess around. In the backyard of his house. With his wife in the house asleep - and liable to wake up at any time. I don't think so. So we talked - he kept trying to feel me up and was more octopus than man for a little while there. But I held my ground and said no way. I don't mind messing around - and I don't mind married guys. It's all good! : ) But I'm not messing with a guy out in the open in his backyard - wth his wife less than 100 feet away. Besides - G. is a bullshitter. He only comes around when he wants something - and he's not my cup of tea either. Great bod - and he's good when it comes to using that bod - but he's trouble waiting to happen. If he was single - or if I didn't know (and like his wife) - I'd be all over him... I can't help it - I like trouble sometimes! But he has way too much baggage (literally & hypothetically) to mess with.

Maybe I'm reading too much into all this? Just like D., I need to say "screw the moral judgements & consequences" and just go for the action. I spent too many years "in love" and loyal to one person - who turned out to be a two-timing lying piece of shit. I need to just cut the drama and have fun now. The more the merrier. I'm being offered a great variety of choices... and most of them could be fun. What to do? What to do?

You know what really trips me out? Six years ago , no gray hairs, and 40 pounds less than I am now - I had my share of action, but it was tough to get a hook-up or find guys willing to mess around - no strings attached. Now. I'm gettting older, my hair is turning grey, and I have a belly... and I'm getting offers and opportunities like never before. Maybe it's attitude now? Or maybe I've just turned into a nicer guy and people are starting to realize that (yeah - right!). Whatever the reason - it's a strange situation. Uh-oh! D. is here. Gotta go! I think we're having breakfast together while we watch a tape of last night's RAW! I was off (for a change) - but he had to work - so I recorded it for him. (Ain't I a sweetie?) Time to get RAW!

See ya later..
-Doug

Storms Never Last..

Damn! It is storming outside! I think we're catching some of the side effects of one of the hurricanes - don't know which one though. I haven't been keeping up with the news like I should. I have to go to work in a few minutes.. and I don't wanna! Bah! I go through this every night - and then, once I get there - I'm fine. I like my job - but some of the people I have to deal with ... every night. The crackheads, the drunks, the prostitutes (hi Traci), and the general riff-raff. And tonight is Friday - so that means "club night" too. Lots of women dressed in next to nothing - all their stuff hanging out - and a major attitude kicking hard. That wouldn't be so bad, but most of 'em don't even look good. They look like they act.. and that's not a good thing.

I've got to get by the bank tomorrow and do my computer payment to RAC. I forgot to take the money out of my paycheck on Thursday when i made my deposit - so I'm having to wait for the check to clear the bank now before I can do it. Damn - forgetful me I am. I also owe Tatz 35.00 to pay for the PPV we watched at her house last month. It just never stops. But that was the ECW One Night Stand - so it was worth it.

Nothing much to ramble on right now - so I won't. Time to go to work. Wish me luck! Oh yeah - i finally get two days off this week - Monday & Wednesday. What the...??? Why couldn't they at least have been together? I guess I'd better shut up and be glad I'm getting more than one day off. It's been a long time....

And Youngblood is home. He called earlier today. I'll call him tomorrow and see what up! Welcome home, Mike....

Happy (belated) Anniversary to Brian & Lenola - today is their "1 year" mark... I send love!

And that's all for now folks...
-Doug

Inka-Dinka-Doo! - Catching Up Again!!

Let's see - the last time I posted was on Sunday. This is Thursday. Damn! And I was doing so well, too! Let's do a quick recap of the week so far...

Stood up on Sunday for the family thingee at Tian's. I don't know know why, but it's OK. Ichilled here at the house - hung out with the neighbor-boy (D.), and watched some old WCW Nitro Tapes..

Monday - store meeting at work. Our inventory came out badly - so the DM had to come give everyone the old "if it doesn't straighten out - people will be terminated" speech. Yeah - whatever. I'm not worried about it much. If I'm mot doing anything wrong (and I'm not) - why stress it. But a funny thing happened. While the DM has all the store employees together in the stock room - giving us all the 3rd degree - a girl from the Maxton store was running the cash register. Guess what she did? She sold money orders totalling $930.00 - but only $30 was dropped. Guess where the rest went? So get this - the DM is throwing out statistics to us about dishonesty and employee theft - while less than 100 feet away, the cashier he brought in to work at the store - is committing employee theft. It's all on tape though -so she's busted. But I thought that was funny as hell.

I haven't seen Pa since Saturday night. I guess he finally got the message. I haven't seen BJ since Sunday night either. I don't know what's up with that - but shit happens, I guess. Me & him have to have a little talk anyhow. I have two questions for him - one good and one not so good.... I hope things can be worked out - but I don't know. I don't want to go into details here, but if what I suspect is true - I have some crow to eat and an ass to beat., Film at 11:00..

Got an e-mail from TMA yesterday. I'll write her back tonight. I really do miss that lady - and the "good old days!".. She's a fantastic and special person in my life - and I'm proud & honored to be able to call her friend.

New "Tossing Salt" column up on Wednesday. Go check it out at http://www.wrestle-zone.co.uk. I need to decide if I'm going to keep this column thingee up and then shop around for different sites to host it. It's the world's most eclectic wrestling column - and I'm the Salt-mesiter. Belee' dat playas..

What the hell is going on with D? I';m spending more and more time with him every day - but he's a straight boy. He's not my type at all - waaaay too young. But we get along great - argue & bicker back and forth - have the same warped tastes in music, movies & life... and it's just been a fun time for the last couple of weeks. Where is this headed though? I'm beginning to wonder.

Enough for now! Sorry so short, but I'm ready to go crash out for a while. 3rd shift comes way too early tonight - and I'm going to be tired anyhow. Tonight should be busy. I may write more later - or I may not! Anyhow - ciao!

-Me

The Price of Friendship...

It's early Sunday morning and I've survived another night at the Asylum. The inmates were particularly restless last night - and I think the average IQ for the crowd last night was in single digets. Too many blunts and cans of the Old Gold & Steel Reserve.. or as I refer to them - gutter trash beer. A lot of stuff happened besides the usual chaos, cussing & what nots. I don't think I'm a popular person with the Lbg. Late Nite Street Trash right now.., but then again, when have I ever been? I say what I think, call 'em down, and treat 'em like kids. Bad, unruly, nasty little kids. Someone has to be the adult.. and Lord help us all - it looks as if I've been volunteered. Stop laughing! At work - I'm all business and Mr. Serious. Well, not all the time, but when the situation calls for it, I can be professional. Really, I can.

But works not on the mind today. Two (count 'em - two) friendships came to an end last night... and surprisingly, I'm not upset.

First of all, Pa came in for a while. He was trying to be nice, so I just asked him what he wanted. If Pa is nice, he wants something. That's why he comes around. He said "nothing!".... And then asked me to front him a pack of cigs... and a drink.. and a snack cake. I flipped. my head was already hurting and I was in a bad mood - and I really wasn't in the mood for his B.S. We "talked" - I tried not to get too loud, but I was getting rather upset with the little bastard - and finally, it all just came out. He just got out of jail two months ago. He commented on how I've changed - and been on his case since he got home. I admit it - I have. And I told him why.. I was hoping he'd take the hint and quit coming around. He made a comment about how he knows that I really love him and want to be with him. I had to restrain myself from going over the counter and nailing him on that. It may have been true once, but now, when I see him and think of him, I feel sick to think I ever wasted my time and had feelings for such a sleazy little street urchin. He's a liar and a bum - nothing more. He won't ever be more either because he doesn't want to be. He won't work or even look for a job. All he cares about is smoking grass, drinking and seeing what he can get for nothing. But anyhow, I just felt a big pressure lift and told him to leave the store - now! He started to argue at first, but then he realized I was very serious and left. I locked up and went about my duties and tried to get my work caught up. And to finish it up, I went by the Magistrates office this morning and took out two warrants - details on the other in a second - and the first one has Pa barred from the property where I work. I know he's stolen a bottle of wine (not when I was there, but I heard about it from another cashier who described him to a tee - even down to his shoes and hat)... and I think he stole some crackers from the store last night. But anyhow, as of this morning, he's got a restraining order prohibiting him from coming to the store or on the property - and he will be arrested for trespassing if he violates it. The magistrate knows exactly who he is and said it would be served this morning. Drastic measures, but enough is enough!

The other warrant - Kangaroo has a zero-tolerance policy for shoplifters and gas drive-offs. We don't just let them pay for the stuff - we prosecute. A long time friend of mine, Snooky - came in the store last night. We've been on the outs for a while since I caught in him some lies.. plus he owes me a large sum of money - which I'll never see again. But I had customers lined up 1/2way across the store and was extremely busy - he came in and said to turn on the gas - his car was parked at the gas pumps. On 3rd shift - I make everyone pay first - I don't turn on the gas pumps for anyone. But it's Snooky so I'll make an exception this one time. He pumped $2.70 worth of gas. Stood at the car for a few minutes looking towards the store... and then got in the car and drove off. I know - only $2.70 - what's that? Nothing! But it's the principle of the thing. He owes money that he'll never pay. I've caught him in several lies. And now, the ultimate disrespect - stealing from me while I'm at work. If he didn't have the money - he should had just said so, and I probably would have given him $5 to put gas in his car. I'm an asshole, but I'm not heartless. But he decided to just drive off without paying.. and that is unforgivable in my eyes.

As soon as I was able, I called his house and talked to his girlfriend. He's been lying to her like crazy too - and using me as his alibi.. which isn't good since he never bothers to inform me on what I'm supposed ot be covering him for. Anyhow, I told his girlfriend to have Snooky call me or come back to the store and talk to me before I get off work this morning at 7:00am - or else I will be taking a warrant out for his little stunt. 7am came and went - and still no word from Snooky. So I'm done with him - I'm through! He's willing to go back to jail for 2.70 worth of gas - I'm more than willing to send him there. I love the guy and we've been friends forever, but I will not be disrespected like that... by anyone!

Now I'm home, and I thought I would be upset, but I'm not. I've been hanging out in the kitchen, fixing baked beans and deviled eggs for the family cookout thingee at Tian's this afternoon. And D. (my neighbor boy) is going with me to eat, play cards, swim and chill with the family. I dropped two huge headaches and picked up a new friend in return. This should be a fun afternoon.

One more night of work and then, finally - a night off (Monday night!). I may do a RAW recap for the groups. I haven't decided yet.

By the way, the newest edition of "Tossing Salt" is not currently up at Wrestle-Zone.co.uk. I thought it was, but apparantly, they decided not to run it. So I guess "TS" is again without a home. Oh well - it happens. It will just make the end of "TS" (in 3 more editions) much easier.

I think I'm going to take a little time off from wrestling for a while anyhow.. and concentrate on the screenplay stuff. I have a lot of ideas that are ready to bust out. but between work, this site, the groups. the columns, and the social life - they kept getting pushed to the side. I figure if I take off from the groups & the wrestling stuff for about two weeks - and really throw myself into it, I can get up a good 1rst draft of something. Then let it sit for a few weeks and then go back and start making changes. By the 3rd or 4th draft - I may have something worth doing. But who knows for sure? Not I - belee' dat!

Well, time for a nap before the big afternoon family thingee. I think I'll go watch my beloved on the WWE Experience - I feel like lusting a bit.. and she's about the only woman I can think of that I'd turn straight for in a millisecond. That's one thing I tell everyone I get involved with - just to give them warning - I may have feelings for them - but if Ivory (or Juventud Guerrera) ever become an option - see ya! Other than that, I'll never cheat - but for Ivory or Juvi - all bets are off.

Enough for now. It's nappy time! See ya later, alligator.
-Doug

Conjunction Junction - What's Your Function??

Another night and I'm ready to go to the hole. It's been a semi-productive day, to say the least. Got a couple of bills paid (JC Penneys & the book club thingee) - so I can keep dressing nice and reading for another month. Made a few mixed CD's on the computer.. and downloaded to my library another dozen or so CD's from my collection. I've ammassed quite a collection on my music library - just from my CD's alone. I wish there was some way to download my cassette tapes to the machine - I have (no exaggeration) well over 1000 tapes - with every type of music you can think of - from the ealry 70's to the mid 90's... and everywhere in between. I have eclectic tastes. But the computer is only CD compatiable, so the tapes sit in boxes (and in my closet, bedroom, on the stereo, in the desk, etc...) and just waste away. Anyone have any ideas?

I also managed to get a couple of snail-mail letters out to Russ (up in CT) and Marshall (down in Wilmington)... I used to write letters all the time, but I've gotten so slack over the past couple of years - it isn't even funny. And the ironic thing is - I love to write.. or type anyhow. I just need to hook my printer up to the new computer and I'd be set and good to go... I could type up the letters, print 'em out and everyone would be happy. But I don't like dealing with technical crap - my printer is HP and a piece of 2nd hand crap I picked up three years ago ... The computer is a Dell - with the whole Windows XP thing.. They would probably work fine together - but I think I'd rather just get a new printer... one that has a scanner included. Then I could start posting pics of myself and the people I talk about. Wouldn't that be fun? Hmmmm! I just need one thing and it could all be done. Someone - give me some extra $$$$ please.. Heh! Heh!

I hung out this morning with D(the Menace)- a guy that lives up the street. He's 18 years old - and just graduated from high school this past June. Cute as hell - but it's not like that. He's too young for me.. and hopelessly straight. Damn! But we watched the movie "Hair" this morning and gossiped about the neighborhood over a couple of Pepsi's. We started talking a few days ago when I was going out to get the mail and he was walking by... and he seems pretty cool. A little niave - but I think all kids (cause that's what they are) - who are under 25 are pretty hopeless. I can't help it - life has made me feel this way - plus dealing with the public for 50 hours a week - on the 3rd shift. It's killing me... belee' dat! : )

Time for another night at the Asylum - it's Saturday night so it might be crazy... or it might be cool! Who knows? If last night is any indication, I'll go for "crazy".. Just two more nights - tonight and Sunday.. and finally I get a day off. My first one in how long? Too damn long - that's for sure. Well, I'm outta here. Wish me luck!

Until the next time - keep it between the lines. See ya!

Not Enough Time..

Why do I always wait until time to go somewhere before I decide to update the blog site? Whassup wit dat? Anyhow, the newest edition of "Tossing Salt" is currently up at http://www.wrestle-zone.co.uk. Go read it. As far as my life goes - it's same old / same old. SawPa last night. We got along well for a little while - but I ended up hurting his feelings and cussing him out. Some things just never change. Talked to BJ too! I have a question for him. Will he be cool or freak? Only one way to find out.

Talked to C. B. The father of my "son"... I'll explain that one some other time. He brought up the idea of maybe doing some catfishing some night with him and The Lad. That's something we haven't done in quite a few years - sounds like fun. Hopefully, we can get all of our schedules straight and do this one night. It'd be tres' cool!

Haven't talked to Brent or TMA in a while. I need to call both of them. TMA has a birthday coming up later this month. So do Billie, Roy, Greg, Lynn, & Lee Ann. Chris D. too. I guess I need to go shopping and stock up on some cards. I really do miss Brent & TMA. Hey, if either of you read this stuff, give me a call.

Oh yeah - Youngblood has a BD this month too. All these moody-ass Cancers - how do we all ever get along? He'll be home on the 13th - 22nd from PR. I'll be glad to see him. Just don't tell him that - he'll think I like him or something and I have a reputation as an asshole to protect.

Well, there's not enough time to talk about anything else. I have to go to work - and that sucks! It's Friday night - I better be ready for combat...lol. Maybe I'll do more in the AM on this... and it might even be worth reading. Who knows? See ya later.

Happy Independence Day - The Day After

Well, I survived the birthday.. and Independence Day too. Now it's Tuesday night, and I'm preparing (as usual) for work. Saturday night was a total hell-night - I beat both 1rst and 2nd shift in terms of inside sales and customer counts. Those folks busted my ass. I was off on Sunday (my BD) - and did the buffet/family thing at Tian's. Pretty cool afternoon. Back to work last night (Monday) and they busted my ass again. I beat 1rst & 2nd shift (again) on net sales and customer count.. And people say third shift doesn't do anything. Yeah -right!

No big news happening. Haven't seen Pa since Saturday night. He came by the store and hung out - thinking that he would stay inside the store with me whenI locked up at 3:00am - guess what? It didn't happen. I cussed him out (again) and made him leave. BJ didn't come by until after 4:00 - but it was all OK - I didn't have time to talk to anyone anyhow - it was too busy.

I wish I had something more to talk about. We had a cookout on Monday at Tian's. Over 18 people crammed in her little apartment. Tian & her kids, Tatz & her kids, me, Nunu, Ken, Crystal's friends, the neighbor psycho lady that wants to date me, her daughter, and a Paki dude (Mike) that runs the new c-store around the corner from Tian's. Oh yeah - I almost forgot Andrew (Morgan's boyfriend... sorry Andrew!) Total and utter chaos - but it was fun. And there was actually food left over - believe it or not. Everyone munched.. wnet back for seconds (and thirds) and took plates home with them... and we still had food left over. After the munchfest - half the folks went swimming and the other half played cards - Phase 10 is the game now.. I ended up stuck on Phase 7 - not bad for my first time....

Well, Youngblood is on the phone. Let me go now & I will return...

-Doug

I'm Back - Happy Birthday to me...

No updates since Monday night? Damn! And I was getting so good and reliable too. What's happened since then? I hung out with Tian & Tatz a while. Did the Wal-Mart thing twice. Got slammed at work last night... and expect to get slammed again tonight. It's a weekend, the first of the month... and a holiday. It's going to be a hell-night tonight. No big deal. I can handle it.

Tian informed me that her neighbor wants to go out with me. I met the woman once - didn't say 3 words - and now she wants me to move in a vacant apartment in between her & Tian's apt. Damn! I asked Tian if she told her I was gay. Tian did - and all she said was that all I need is a "real woman" and I'll straighten out. LMAO! I've heard that before.. and I don't think so.

More innuendo with BJ - more bitching w/ Pa. Some things will never change. Heard a message from Ann (Casey) today. She had the 2nd stint placed in her heart and is feeling like a new woman. I really need to write or call her. I miss that lady.

Got invited to a cook out for next weekend at G & H's. Should be interesting. I used to mess around with G's brother (off and on) for a long, long time - I was his "other woman".. and I even did the deed with G once (drunken impulse - much regrets).. We've been friendly and socializing, but I've purposely tried to maintain some distance in this relationship... not an easy thing since they live across the road from me. G keeps bringing up the past.. and say he's gonna "get my ass" .. and I'm talking about the literal translation here. Nah! I don't think so. If he was single, maybe... but I think H is one of the sweetest people I've ever met and I wouldn't want to do anything to hurt her. So this is not gonna happen. The only question is - how do I keep putting it off - while still being a good neighbor and friends with both of them. A touchy situation at best... but as long as I behave.. and keep saying "no" to G, things should be OK.

Saw Chris last night at the store. Didn't talk - too busy for more than a "whassup!' - but he wants to know if he can come to Tatz's for the cookout on Monday - to celebrate July 4th/my BD. Hell, I don't care - we're still friends, at least as much as two people who have been together and then broke up can be. If he comes, Tatz & Tian will give him hell. I hope he knows that. Heck - he knows - and still wants to come. It should make for an interesting day.

Enough of an update. Way too short - and I've left out a lot, but I've got to go to work in about 15 minutes. It's going to be hell tonight, as I've already explained. Maybe I'll have something to talk about in the AM. And by the way - in about 45 minutes - it'll hit midnight and I'll officially be a year older. It's my birthday. And how old am I? Too damn old - that's how old. I quit keeping track a few years ago - I'm in total denial. The curse of being a middle-aged gay man in a young man's world. Being old sucks. But it's better than the alternative, so I'd better just shut up and accept it. Yeah - sure!

I miss Marshall & Brent. I ought to give them a call tomorrow. And Ann. And Michael. And TMA (of course). I've got some wonderful and fantastic friends. I need to be a better friend. I think they all know how I feel about them - but if they' don't (and are reading this) - know that when I say, "Love ya - mean it" - it's true - it's damn true! Belee' dat!

I've gotta go to work. Have a great night - and I'll see ya on the rebound.
Love ya - mean it...
-Doug