Dream Weaver....

I just wasted another full day. I laid down this morning for what was supposed to be a couple of hours - to get rid of a headache. And now, it's 8:30 at night and I'm just waking up. Whassup wit dat? Well, I would have to get up anyhow in another hour for work, so it's all good.

Tonight is clean-up night at the store - tomorrow is the "Pride Ride" thingee, where all the big-shits from the comany ride around and "grade" our stores. I'm working with B tonight -geez! Does that mean I'll have to actually talk to her? The woman is OK - but she's dumb, lazy, and repeats the same crap forty times when once would be sufficent. And her hubby, B-2 will be there all night as well. I think I'll be spending a lot of time outside scouring the parking lot for trash and cleaning the cooler too. Major sweeping, mopping and what-nots. Just so I don't have to talk to her. Ha!

I still haven't called Youngblood back in Puerto Rico. Why does that guy put up with me? I love him to death, but I'm such an assclown when it comes to returning calls. I can't help it. Well, I could, but I just don't. I think me & the phone have issues... I also need to give Brent, up in CT a call. I miss that guy way much. Russ too. (For those who don't know...which should be all of you - Brent & Russ were my upstairs neighbors back when I lived in Wilmington, NC back in 96/97. They're fantastic guys - way too straight, sexy as hell, and just totally awesome.)

Had a weird ass dream today. When I sleep too much, I have strange dreams. Go figure. I think it's my mind's way of saying "wake the hell up". I don't remember many of the details - but I was working my store - a guy comes in a blue dress... and he looks familiar, but I can't put a name to him. We're talking about the farm and have the cows been milked and fed. And don't forget to brush the horses. People are in the back of the store, trying to steal and I'm hollering at them to leave the "Mad Dog" alone. And then, I woke up. The work stuff I get - I work too much. But the rest of it.... I've never lived or worked on a farm - I'm a life-long city boy. I don't mess with cows and horses - so I don't get it. Any ideas?

Talked to Pa again last night as well... and BJ too. It rained pretty fierce for a while there, and the store was way busy. Pa is jealous of BJ. Why? There's nothing going on with me & Pa.... or me & BJ. Pa wants us to get a motel room this coming weekend. Nah! I don't think so. I know I'm working on Friday night - and probably Saturday as well. I'm probably off Sunday (Happy Birthday to me!) - but even if I'm not, I don't want to spend any more time with Pa than I have to. I cussed him out again last night - and he tried to lure me into the back room. It ain't gonna happen. He's too cocky and overbearing for me anymore. And the worse he gets - the more he's turning me against him. It was cool back in the day. I was younger and looking for something different - and he was the sexy little thug-wannabe - trouble with a capital "T"... but I've changed and so has he - and I can do so much better. I've proven that time and time again. He needs to move his bony ass on and leave me alone. I'm scared I'm going to end up snapping and hurting this guy. I don't want to do that, but he just keeps pushing and pushing..

The more I'm back ar0und Pa, the more tempted I am to give Chris a call. If I'm going to ruin my life with a lying, cheating loser, it may as well be one that I actually did love at one time, right? Chris - he's a bit of a flamer and a little too femmy these days for my taste, but he would kick Pa's ass if I asked him to - just to make up for the pain he caused me a few months ago. It's tempting, but I'm probably better off just leaving all these guys alone. I swear, there's more drama around here than TNT in the AM and their slogan is "We Know Drama"...

Enough rambling. I need to go get showered and shaved and ready for a big night at the store. Later all..

-Doug

I'm so damn sore...

Time for a quickie before I go to work. Hey - have you noticed that I'm updating this every day now? I don't really have all that much going on - but I'm still willing to talk about it.

I'm very much sore and in pain right now. Went to Tian's apt. for a cook-out today. Just hanging out with Tian, Tatz & the kids - we eat, play cards, swim, and just do the "family thing". It's fun. Well, the nephew, Parker, was in a picking and playing mood. So we traded verbal jabs to start.. and then ended up rolling around on the floor wrestling. I'm 275lbs. He's 245 lbs. And we were in a second floor apartment. i can't imagine what the people downstairs were thinking.

Anyhow, the boy kicked my ass. I admit it. First it was "The Masterlock", but I managed to escape... barely. Then it was his own modified version of the "tazmission" - a body scissors and rear chin lock.... I broke out by plucking the hair on his legs (he's a monkey-boy - part man/ part wookie) - but then he cheated and used amatuer wrestling moves to roll me up and get a pin. I was helpless and couldn't move. And the kid is only 15 years old. Geez!

It was all fun.. and I get a rematch next weekend when we do the cookout thingee for my birthday. He actually told me that he was going to "spank me like a baby" for my birthday. Damn! If only the boy was an adult .. and someone else. That might be fun. But he's not, so those are fighting words. I have a week to recover and get ready for the rematch. And Parker is going down.... I'm thinking that I need to go ahead and get in touch with Kipper about getting Parker & Andrew (Morgan's boyfriend) in training for the wrestling ring. Parker is only 15, but he's ready. Andrew is older - 25 - but he wants to do it - if Morgan will let him.. : ) She says no, but I think it would be cool for him and Parker to get a little formal ring training. I think I'll call Kipper tomorrow and see what he can do about that.

Well, time for work again. It's Sunday night, so it will either be very slow or very insane busy - no middle ground. I wonder if it's too late to call in sick? Yeah - I guess it is. Besides, I don't do that stuff. For a booty call, I'll call in. For something as trivial as sickness - go ahead and work. and that's the way it should be. Keep the priorities straight.

Until the next time, keep your eye on the sparrow ... (obscure Baretta reference)..
I'm gone...
-Me

Sunday Morning Sidewalks...

Well, I survived the night.... and what a night it was. I hung out with BJ for a while - got an interesting offer.. and got flashed.

BJ - just the usual stuff. He was wide open and talking about moving to Georgia, his supposedly pregnant girlfriend - who just happens to live across the road from me and is married to someone else.. and getting high. Oh yeah - his foot hurt too. He stuck around for a couple of hours and then took off to who know's where. The boy is certifiable. But he's a good guy, so it's OK...

David, a guy I've known for quite a while, stopped by. I used to hang out with his older brother & cousins a few years ago - and have known David for probably 10 - 12 years... He wants to make movies and be a writer/director. He's got the right attitude, but he just doesn't want to put in the blood, sweat & tears and make the sacrifices necessary for any kind of success. He knows the technical stuff, but little else. He wants us to work together on a screenplay - he's got some kind of idea going on and needs help getting it out of his head and on paper. I've written a couple of screenplays - and I'm good with characters and dialogue - but weak on developing plotlines and keeping the story flowing. So what he wants is for use to pool our talents and see what develops. I might do this - take a break from the computer for a few weeks and just devote my free time to coming up with a script and seeing what happens. I haven't decided for sure yet. He's supposed to come by here on Tuesday and I'll let himknow something more definite.

As for the flashing thing, a lady came in last night. She was a big lady - and was just coming from the clubs. She was wearing a small blue shirt with spaghetti strings up over the shoulders. She was very well endowed in the chest area.. and the shirt left very little to the imagination. Well, the shoulder strap was falling down to begin with. And when she leaned over the counter to see what kind of cigars we had - the front of the shirt just slid on down and her left breast was exposed for all the world to see... Full nip shot. Some things are best to the imagination. She was one of them. Someone cover that thing up! On some women, that might be sexy or somewhat enticing and erotic.... On this woman, it was nothing like that. It was just plain nasty. I tried to ignore it and finished the sale. Her friend noticed, and she (Mammary Woman) casually slid the strap back up, acting like she was never exposed to begin with. And I acted non-chalant, like i didn't see anything.. and believe me, I wish that I hadn't. It's times like this that I definitely understand more than ever why I ended up being gay. I love nipples on a hot guy, but the tetes on this cow... I don't think so. Blaaaah!

More later. Time for a new column or a nap. I haven't decided for sure which one will be happening yet! Probably a column - if i go to sleep now, I know I'm gonna have nightmares. Yuck! Ciao!
-Doug

-Doug

Saturday Night Special...

Time for another update before I head off to work. Last night (Friday) went amazingly well at work - especially for a Friday. I only cussed out one person and that was personal business - not store related. That must mean I'm going to catch it tonight instead. : )

BJ came by and hung out for a while. We got a lot of stuff done in getting the store ready for the "Pride Ride" bs coming up on Tuesday. And he had me laughing like crazy. As I said earlier, he's like Jay of the "Jay & Silent Bob" movies - totally out there and full of shit - but he makes me smile so it's cool.

And Pa came by. This is where the cussing out part comes in. He pissed me off - I cussed him out - he tried to make nice and kiss ass - I cussed him out some more. He finally (?) got the clue and left. Maybe this time, he'll stay away.. but I doubt it.

Tried out the "Rhapsody" site for downloading music - I don't like it. Too few songs that I like (old time stuff & obselete music that no one else has ever heard of) and too much current crap - rap & bubble-gum pop and what not. I downloaded the songs from John Cena's CD - and then decided to cancel my subscription to that site. I think I'll stick with the Musicmatch that came already installed in my computer. They seem to have a better variety of songs to choose from.

Saw the ex earlier today (Saturday) at Wal Mart. Got a hug and all that - we're on good terms right now - but the magic is gone ... for good. I see Chris and I don't feel upset or cold or regretful - I just feel "nothing". Close to five years together (off & on) and there's nothing there. Oh well.

Yeah - I know this site is kind of boring - I have no life right now. But stick around - we're in the middle of summer and I'm sure that something will happen soon enough that will have everyone going "what the...?" As for now, I've got to go to work. What joy! Later all..
-Doug

Take Me Out To The Ballpark...

Where do I start with this update? I went to softball games both Wednesday & Thursday night. My niece, the Demon-Spawn - had her last two games of the season and Uncle Doug had to be there. Wednesday night - the other team forfeited - not enough players showed up. So we won. Then "IT" happened. The kids didn't care about the forfeit - they're there to play ball. The guy from the Scotland County Parks & Rec started pulling up the bases - it's a forfeit and he's got things to do so he's leaving. What the ....? The Coach of our team was very upset. What about the kids? They're here to play. And the assclown said that he has to go. Well, our Coach called him a sorry M.F.'er - and said we're playing anyhow. Using gloves as the bases - we had ourselves a baseball game. The kids had fun - the parents helped coach and act as the base umpires and a great time was had by all. To hell with the Scotland County Parks & Recreations dude - he's got more important things to do than look out for the kids - who the hell needs him. After the game - we won by the way something like 20 -15 but no one bothered with the scoring - we all went to Hamond Park for pizza & the handing out of end of the year trophies. The Demon Spawn, by the way got on base with every hit and hit two doubles - scoring two runs.

Next day - the final game. We played a make-up game against the best team in the league - and it went extra innings - but we won again - 22-21. Trophy World - the pygmy version - kicks ass....

As for my life, I went back to work on Thursday night. BJ never came by the store, for a change. That sucked. : ( But unfortunately, Pa did. We talked for a bit, in between customers. he was wanting to get freaky in the back room while I was locked up for an hour to fill my cooler, mop, etc... But nothing happened. I'm still holding my ground. I need to get rid of him... for good. I have enough drama and issues going on without worrying about that little bastard.

Youngblood called from Puerto Rico early this AM. I need to call him back, but I just can't bring myself to do it. He's another guy that I love to death - and in some ways, he's one of my best friends - (he'd have to be to put up with my asshole ways the way he does) - but I just can't deal with him today.

Got paid today. Paid a few bills - still owe for my bill at the store. I'll do it tonight. And then I'll be broke. What fun! Talked to Dane today too. He's working down at the new Jersey Mike's place. He's such a cute little fucker. Sweet as hell. Straight too! Damn the luck! But that's cool. We're still planning on hanging out and getting shit-faced sometime soon. We've been planning this for about 7 years - but it never happens. Not a problem though.

Not much more to chit-chat about. I got paperwork in the mail today about my high school reunion coming up. I think I may go to this one. Not sure yet, but it's the big one - the 20th... and it's only for a few hours - a few in the afternoon and a few that night - in October - and then it's done. I didn't care much for high school when I was going - but there are a few folks that I'd like to see again. And I guess with time, I've gotten a bit more nostalgic for the days I was young and innocent. Yes - believe it or not, I was such a good kid , it's almost sickening. What the hell happened? Puberty hit.. and then the whole "coming out" thing - and I began a lifelong career of working with the general public - all of that will jade anyone.. and twist them into a sick little pervert. And now, hey, that's me... : )

Damn, I've got to go to work now. It's Friday night... and a full moon too. It's gonna be hell in a handbasket. What does that mean anyhow? It's gonna be rough. Maybe I'll get something worth writing about out of it. Who knows? And I really do need to get a new column up soon for the wrestling sites. So much to do! How will I ever endure? Who knows? I just will. See ya next time.

-Doug

Ramblings - Part II

Back again for a brief update. I had a breakfast date this morning with Pa. Don't tell me I f*cked up... I already know that. But he's a sexy beast - even if he is a total assclown. I'm enjoying a day off from work today - and I've been playing with the computer. Finally, I figured out how to download music & burn CD's. Sad, isn't it. I'm running about 10 years behind on the latest technology stuff - but better late than never. This stuff is fun. And I did the Wal-Mart thing this morning too. Time for a few groceries and some blank discs to record on. I also indulged and got a couple of pairs of shorts. They were marked clearance - only 4.88 a pair. I couldn't resist.

Now I'm just hanging here at the homestead and thinking about putting together a new "Tossing Salt" column. I'm feeling inspired and could probably pound out a decent edition of the world's most eclectic wrestling column in just a couple of hours. This would be edition # 147 - which means only three more left until I wrap the wrestling-columnist gig up for good. I always said that I'd quit when I hit # 150.. I still haven't decided for sure if "TS" will continue after that or not? I still have a few weeks to decide, I guess. It's not really fun anymore - it feels like a "job" and hell, I already have one of those to drive me crazy. Have I mentioned lately that I really do hate working 3rd shirt. I like the people (for the most part) but I'm getting so tired and burnt out on dealing with the rude people, the drunks, the bums, and what-nots.

I guess I'll go see what's on the TV - maybe watch some Fox News and find out what I'm supposed to think about the world. I know what I think, but they might tell me I'm wrong.. and one of us will have to give. LMAO. I used to love to listen to Rush Limbaugh and the other guys on talk radio and listen to them tell me what I should think. I don't always agree, but I found myself nodding in agreement far more often than not. The best talk-radio guy, far above all others, is Neal Boortz. He's a smart guy, but he keeps it real.. and seems to realize that the whole purpose of the job is to inform and entertain. He's a master of both. Go check out www.boortz.com and see what the talkmeister is all about. You'll either hate him or be hooked for life. I'm hooked.

The one show I hated was "Dr. Laura". Her condescending attitudes and know-it-all way of speaking just turned me off from the very beginning. And when you add the homophobia and high morality thingee - well, in my opinion - she's a bitch. And what's the old saying about people in glass houses??? Dr. Laura (who isn't even a real doctor) has been tossing rocks for years. I was so glad when our local affiliate, WFSN 102.3 - decided to give her show the boot. Good riddance. And to all the fans of the good, hypocritical (fake) doctor - ya'll can kiss my booty! 'Nuff said!

Oh geez! I've got to go clean the litterbox - my cat, Stinky, has lived up to his name. Damn cat! I love him,but still... damn cat! Back later. And may the farce be with you.
-Me

Random Thoughts...

A new beginning for the Palace. The wrestling stuff is history. I do enough of that with the column anyhow. By the way, a new "Tossing Salt" column - #146 - is up at the www.wrestle-zone.co.uk site. Go read it. I'll wait...

As for my current surreal life - what's a man to talk about? Pa is back! Pa, better known as Jonathan, is a guy I used to mess around with. I've known him since he was 16 - we talked shit until he turned 18.. and then he called my bluff. I don't bluff. And for the last 6 years - it's been an on-again/off again thing. But the bad thing is, he's not worth a damn. He's a theif, a drug-abuser, a liar, and a sorry little bastard. But he's also sexy as hell and I do, as much as I hate to admit it, care a helluva lot about the guy. This has really played well with my other relationships, as you may guess. But he's been gone for a couple of years - in prison (of course) and I thought I was over the little bastard for good. He got out two weeks ago - I saw him for the first time about a week ago... and every old feeling - every strong emotion - every bit of lust - just came right back... and with a vengeance. My relationship with Chris in finally kaput for good - long story there - so I'm lonely and looking for someone special. Pa isn't it. He's same as always - lying and whatever - back to his old habits. I'm resisting so far, but he can push my buttons better than anyone I've ever known.. and he knows it too. I love him, but I hate him. Where is the Goldschlagger when you need it? Damn, I don't drink anymore either. That sucks! I'll keep resisting. I've moved on to a higher level of loser than Pa - and I don't need to fall back into the same old B.S. as before. But it's not easy. Nothing in life, I guess - ever is.

I've got a new semi-sidekick too. Barris (BJ for short) is a tall & sexy Indian guy who comes to the store when I'm working. He's a bit off (crazy) and a bit on the nerve-wracking side (picture a younger, dark skinned Jay of the Jay & Silent Bob movies - only worse and in real life) and you have BJ. Another loser? Nah? He's got a big heart and he makes me laugh. He's had a rough life coming up and I'm finding myself wanting to look after him... that's not good! No kind of relationship yet -he knows I'm gay (I think) and there is lots of innuendo going back and forth, but I'm scared to take it any farther. I want to, but there are warning bells that keep going off - this one could end up hurting me - and he's got a ton of baggage too. Maybe one day, we'll take it past the talk and see what happens. Or maybe not? I don't know. Whatever happened to all the good "one night stands" out there. I guess I'm getting too old.

I guess this is the end of the 1rst post. It won't always be like this. Expect to hear about the family, my friends, and any kind of adventures I have. (A trip to Wal- Mart - what an adventure? Woo-hoo!) I also plan to eventually get political and insightful and funny and all that other stuff too. Maybe! Just bear with me folks.

Later gator......
-Me