No More Mr. Nice Guy!

I'm so fucking frustrated right now! What does a person have to do around this place. I just got a letter from the DMV concerning my license hearing. Turned down again! I haven't driven in several years and I've been behaving for so fucking long. They want me to go to AA meetings. I go to AA meetings. Everything that I've been required to do, I've done it over and over. Last year, I was turned down, but I expected it. The first time, it happens. Here we go again and this time, I'm trying to be positive. And its just like another kick in the stomach. I should have just lied to the damn man! I played it honest and straight and have been for so damn long.. and it doesn't pay. Am I good risk to have a license? There is no way in hell I would ever think about drinking and driving again so where that's concerned, yeah, I am. I could have gotten away with driving around here. That wouldn't be a problem. So many others do and hell, I know and get along with 98% of the local police anyhow. Unless I was doing something totally outrageous, I would be OK. But no, I decided to play it straight and make like a freakin' boy scout. For so damn long, I wouldn't even go to Wal Mart unless someone was around to drive me. What? Almost five years now? And what does behaving and following the laws and playing by the book get me? Not a damn thing! I'm so frustrated right now, I just can't think straight! Damn!

I'm going in the morning to talk to a lawyer and see what, if anything can be done about this. DMV says it can't be appealed and I have to wait again until November of 2006 to apply again, but I'm sure that something can be done. It's just a money-racket anyhow. We all know that and if you have money or the right influence, what applies to others doesn't apply to you. I don't have money and I don't have much influence, but I sure as hell know how to raise a big stink with DMV. Fuck them and fuck their ruling. My life has been on hold for too damn long because of one stupid night eight years ago. I'm through with the bullshit and sitting around waiting for DMV to tell me that I can have a life again. Whatever I have to do - I'm going to do it. No more Mr. Nice Guy!

Damn! I've got a headache! I want a beer, but I'll be happy with my pepsi. See that! If I was the alcoholic that they think I am, I'd be headed to the store for a 12-pack right about now! Hell, after these past couple of weeks, I'd be staying smashed out of my mind - but I'm not. I don't want alcohol or drugs. All I want is some peace of mind and some understanding! Too much craziness and too much insanity! No wonder people become drunks after dealing with the daily B.S. like this. Hell, I think I'm going to bed! I can feel my blood pressure racing and I need to lay down before I get too pissed off and have a stroke. Ooops! Too late! I'm already pissed off! Geez!

Oh yeah - about across the road. G. is locked up - I talked to H. today and we're cool. She's torn - somewhat relieved, but also upset. But G. brought it on himself. But she's been staying at her parents house -that's why no one has been home!

Hell, I'm going to bed! Later!

Falling to Pieces..

The past week has been hell in a handbasket. What better way to describe it? My nerves are shot - I just don't feel in control right now and that sucks. I guess it's better to start at the beginning of the craziness. Friday - just another fun day. Until right before time to go to work. D. came by and we talked a bit. We need to cool things off again for a while. His Mom saw his car in my driveway the other day and questioned him about it. She's getting suspicious. OK - whatever. I talk to his mom fairly regularly and she knows that we're still friends so that shouldn't be a big deal. But that's his thing so I'll play along. Saturday was OK - hung with Rick and just pissed around all day. Sunday - heard the news about Eddie Guerrero and that just shot that day to hell. I walked around in a daze most of the day trying to figure out what's happening and trying to find out everything I could. Did the family thing too on Sunday afternoon and we drew names among the adults for Christmas. I drew Andrew's name. All righty then. I know what I'd like to give him, but he's Morgan's fiance so let's just forget all that! Bad Dougy! : )

On to Monday night at work and this is where things get stupid. My neighbor, G - who I hang out with, drink with, and ward off the sexual advances of - came to the store around 3:30 am. He bought 4 cartons of cigs and used a credit card - a stolen credit card. I knew it wasn't his, but he made some B.S. story up about the girl was a friend of H's and at the house drunk and wanted cigs. My B.S. detector was going off like crazy and I informed him that I wasn't supposed to do it without her there. He pushed it and I reminded him that we're on camera and if anything comes back, he's in trouble. He kept pushing it and I finally agreed to go ahead - ringing up the smokes and he used the card - signing the girls name. He left and I went back to work. I fucked up!

I got home from work Tuesday AM and within an hour, the store was calling. I needed to go back up there and talk to a cop. Luckily, I knew the officer - we'd been friends since we were kids. Anyhow, it's all on camera. The card was stolen and they wanted to know about the guy, Glen. I was reluctant at first, but my manager reminded me that my job could be in jeopardy too - so I told Rodney - the cop - everything that happened that night and made a statement. I was released and came back home. And something is happening across the road. I haven't seen either G. or H. home now in two days. I saw detectives come by yesterday afternoon, but no one came to the door when they knocked. I just have a bad feeing. I've been feeding their dog, Midnight - since no one has been home, butI want to know what's up. If G's been arrested - so be it, but where is H? And the kid? It's just a fucked up situation and I don't know what's going on. I think that's the hard part - not knowing anything.

Other news - I had my DWI hearing yesterday AM about getting my drivers license back. Mom, Tian & Angel testified for me and I think it went OK. I'll know something in 5 - 7 business days. Well, D. is here. We've got to talk and I think walk over to H & G's house to check things out. I've got a bad feeling about all of this. I'll return later.

-Doug

Putting on the Ritz!

Back again! It's been a weird day. Good, but still weird. I just got back from the local AA meeting. My 3rd in 3 days.. and it's still a bit odd, but I'm getting more used to it. Jake is still cute as hell and very friendly, but the boy has some serious issues. Duh! That's why he's in AA, right? Got a lot accomplished today as well. Did recaps for Byte This! for the two websites - and did a "recap" for my fantasy wrestling PPV thingee. Spent most of the morning with D. and we just watched TV and snuggled and talked. It was really cool and just felt right. He's having problems with his GF - and just wanted to vent. Let's see - he dates the girl to shut his parents up and sneaks around with a much older man and wonders why he has problems. I just don't get it!...lol. But I just let him vent, and I keep my mouth shut (that's a miracle right there!) and we finally ended up falling asleep watching Rosanne. I woke up when he moved and he had to go home. Just a relaxing morning - for me anyhow.

Today would have been my brother, Jeff's 42nd birthday if he was still living. He killed himself back in 1989 - suicide - problems with a girl. It was a shame then and still is. I often wonder how things would be now if he was still living. Ma would be happier and probably saner. But it's all speculation. What happened happened and can't be changed. I still miss the crazy bastard sometimes.

I've talked to Pa a few times now since Pearl died and he's still keeping himself together. I tried to hit on him a few nights ago, just for old times sake and he just laughed and told me to "go fuck myself!" Then he kind of pulled up his shirt a few inches, exposing his stomach and said, "you know you want me!".. But that was it. Just picking around which is cool - we haven't done that in years. Usually it's just fighting and arguing. The relationship thingee is definitely over with us, but maybe, a friendship is returning. Who knows?

I guess that's enough for now. I've got to get ready for work and I've got a "date" with Rick in the AM if you want to call it that. We're riding to Rockingham for some reason - I didn't ask why, but I agreed to go. I never learn...lol.

I'm outta here for now! See ya!

AA & More...

Back again for another update. Where should I begin? I went to an AA meeting tonight. My first one. It wasn't what I expected, but it was interesting. There were only about 10 people there - and I saw several that I recognized and knew. I mainly just sat back and observed, listening in. I can see several positives in this and I can see how it could help some people. Whether or not it's for me, I don't quite know yet, but I'm open to giving it another chance and trying it a few more times. I'll be the first to admit that I'm probably going for the wrong reasons anyhow - just to impress the guy at my DWI hearing as I attempt to get my license back. But whether it's for the right or wrong reasons for being there, I was there and I paid attention and just soaked it all in. Just by my nature, I'm not a joiner and I'm not a big fan of opening up to strangers. (And I say this as I write in my blog for anyone in the world to come and read and learn my deepest darkest secrets! Geez! Nerd!) But here, there's still a degree of being anonymous that makes it OK. Ask me anything and I have no problem answering and talking about it. But ask me to open up the discussion and reveal myself without some poking and proding - it just doesn't work too well. Anyhow, the meeting was interesting and I'll probably go back. If for no other reason than a very cute 20 year old named Jake! Woo-hoo!

I noticed something else tonight. With the exception of myself and one other, every person at the AA meeting was a smoker. Hmmmm! Coincidence? I wonder!

Aside from that, things are quiet. Went grocery shopping with Tian this morning. Found out some disturbing news about a mutual friend. C. is a gay male, mid-twenties and he's a great guy. A bit of a diva-bitch, but that's just him. He's been involved with this other guy for a couple of years. C. was the ass around here and treated his friend like shit. Now, they've moved off to Charlotte and apparantly things have changed into an abusive relationship. The friend, Dallas, is physically abusive to C. He keeps him isolated away from his family and friends.. and the friend, and his mom, are in total control of C. and his life. And C. won't leave because he's in love. This guy has several degrees in psychology and human behaviors and he still endures this? It just doesn't make sense. Tian was filling me in on all of this early this morning and I couldn't say anything. It just doesn't sound right. C. is talking about a job promotion he is supposed to be getting and he says he's moving away from Dallas and his mom in a couple of weeks. I guess we'll just have to wait and see what happens.

Dalian is doing much better with her migranes. The doctors changed her medications and it seems to be working.

I'm still messing around with Rick and with D. too. Nothing serious with either of them. Rick is just a hang-out friend and occasional F-buddy. D. has become a good friend and something like a little brother and sidekick. We still mess around sometimes, but not all the time. It's just more hanging out now and arguing wrestling, politics, etc... He thinks "Hulk Hogan" was a good wrestler. Damn! That boy has much to learn. But I'm trying my best. He's still seeing his GF, but that's cool.

Nothing much else to mention, I guess. I'm off work tonight, so I may attempt to write a new "Six Minutes" column. I also need to go over to "MySpace" and read my mail, play around with my profile, etc. a bit. So much to do and so little time...lol.

Well, that's the update. Kind of boring, but I'm not complaining. Until the next time, see ya!
-Doug

Another Quickie Update!

I've been such a slack ass! But I'll play catch-up now, I guess. Since the last update, I've become an uncle again (sort of!) My best friend got married! I went to a football game. And my niece is sick.

First all, an old friend, Lee Ann, had a baby girl last week. I've known Lee Ann since she was 8.. and I knew that she was wanting a child, but didn't know if she could carry one to term - she tried one time before and miscarried several years ago. But she & Billy (her man) tried again and it worked out with a beautiful baby girl. Congrats!

My best friend, Theresa, snuck off a couple of weekends ago and married her long-time live in lover, Billy. (Another Billy - whassup wit dat?) They didn't tell anyone - they just did it! That's awesome news too! These are two great folks who deserve lots of happiness.

I went to see my nephew, Parker, play football last night. Pretty good JV game. His team - Scotland -won 34 -18. They kicked butt! Parker didn't play any - he rolled his ankle in the pre-game stuff and had it taped up. But it was still good to see him dressed up on the sidelines and watch the game. I actually enjoyed myself. I didn't think I would, but I did.

Dalian, the "demon spawn" is sick right now. She's always had problems with migranes (she's only 7) and had to go to the doctor's office in Fayettville yesterday. She went back tonight for an overnight stay at the hospital. Her mom, Tian, is going with her. She was at the game last night, but you could tell she felt bad. They left at half-time.

That's everyone else. As for me - it's the same old crap as always. Hanging out evert so often with D. and with Rick. Everyone else seems to have vanished, but that's not a bad thing. Not all all. I hung out with H. & G. Wednesday night - it was H's birthday. Just watching movies and cutting up. G. is finally behaving himself and has realized that nothing will ever happen with us - I couldn't do that to H. And it was fun. Nothing too extreme - just fun.

Well, I go back to work tonight after being off for three days. I had some vacation days I had to use up, so I went ahead and took them. And it's Friday night! Woo-hoo! Should be fun! Oh well!

I guess that's enough for now! I'll try to get better about keeping this thingee up. Later gators!
-Doug